This is the last I'm going to say about this. But Brent's response here tells us everything we need to know, but were hoping was not true.
He emailed me and showed some alleged text messages sent by Bekah and Andrew, pointing to them as examples of how cruel he was being treated.
The problem? Given what he has done, it is not his place to police how others express their anger about what he did.
Bekah and Andrew have every right to be PISSED at him. The husband has every right to be PISSED at him. Brent needs to take a seat and cope.
He refuses to acknowledge the harm he has done to the family. That is itself a major form of MINIMIZATION. It's also a form of DENIAL.
The ATTACKS on Bekah and Andrew are unconscionable and out of order. And he has painted himself as the victim and them as the offenders. (Reverse Victim and Offender)
That, friends, is the cycle of DARVO.
He complains about the husband's use of a camera to catch him in the act. But in doing so, he gave himself away: even he called it "infidelity".
The infidelities, however, are not nearly as telling as his denials and doubling down and other Image Repair responses.
I hope God will open his eyes and help him to gain appreciation for the impact of his actions.
He has confessed great sin; he refuses to acknowledge the manner in which he has harmed the family.
Many years ago, I read a book by Frank Peretti: The Oath.
What has unfolded here reminds me of some of the dynamics in that book.
A thousand times this. Maybe his silence (for once) indicates he's starting to get a sense of how horrendous his sin is. Let's pray that it's the case. hopefully it's not because he realizes he's only digging his grave deeper, no one believes him, and (again for once) has enough sense to shutup about it.
This was always my observation about the ways he would magnify even the slightest offense towards himself and minimize any of his own contributions to toxicity in SGM, many of which were his own creations. Brent, after all, was the author of the 50 fruits of pride, which was used to go after people when you were trying to confront them in many SGM contexts. This was at the core of what was unhealthy about SGM culture (combined with undertrained pastors and a culture that sought too much to emulate its leaders). But that's for another blog, not yours, lol.
It should have always been a red flag to anyone who spent 5 minutes on his website that this guy was obsessed with believing he was called to be the apostle of modern evangelicalism, calling down anathemas on any foe of his whom he was even marginally connected to. But this whole time, his own marriage was failing, his children had written him out of their lives (probably because he treats them the way he treats anyone who dares to confront him), he's jobless, and now he's a certified homewrecker. If he would have decided to mind his own damnable business instead of putting his nose wherever he could sniff out someone else's sin, maybe he would have had 15 years of profitable ministry and enjoyed his final years in the good graces of his family. But instead, the stench of his hypocrisy will be the legacy of his life's work.
Let's hope for the Kingdom's sake, we've heard the last of this guy.
I have not texted Brent, so this is quite interesting. And yes, all rights to be thoroughly pissed. We all have our own ways of coping with the frustrations or holding Brent accountable.
Anything that has been said or done is gracious by comparison to what most would have done if this was their family/mother/wife. At least that’s what people continue to tell me.
Thanks again for the article, Tim. Brent’s (and Jane’s) comments really add to the validity and enhance the piece in ways I’m sure you didn’t quite anticipate.
Brent, shut the hell up for everyone’s sake. You truly don’t realize how moronic and desperate you sound.
The Bill Clinton comparison is flattering at best. Bekah has not lied, we’ve confirmed that internally, and our obligation is to the truth not to you. As someone who sustains their self on taking from others, you sure feel owed a lot and by many.
You will be known by your fruits: your wife vacated the marriage, your kids unequivocally will have nothing to do with you, you are penniless, you are vacuous, you are riddled with the manifestations of your hubris, and you banged a married woman in the basement of her family home—with impudence and entitlement. When confronted, you weakly requested forgiveness (note this isn’t the same as apologizing) without owning or acknowledging the contents of your deviance. You said nothing more until you were (rightly) publicly called to account. Let me ask—if Bekah is of the devil, why did you even make a blog post? Do you cavort with and entertain the accusations of demons?
You’re a train wreck and the sad thing is, you were given an unbelievable number of opportunities to course-correct, to demonstrate true contrition. What have you done? A weak half-apology that scapegoats your behavior and leans on technicalities in a panicked attempt to protect your own self-righteousness?
You know what you come off as, you and Jane (who happens to be my mom)? A jerk. A jackass. A troutsniffer. An unrepentant gas bag full of hot air and masturbatory self-conceit. Go away, there’s no swindle, no coin, no succor to be had here. The damage is done, and your only tactic now is to make it worse. Be gone.
Even if some of the allegations being made about Brent’s conduct and character are not quite accurate, or even if some of those allegations are false, or even if some of those allegations are outright and malevolent lies, the main point is that Brent HAD been seen as and operating as a leader in survivor-advocacy Christian circles, and has now, by his own admission, committed sexual immorality. Brent has thus disqualified himself as being respected as a leader.
Such a man cannot be ‘above reproach’. He no longer merits the trust of the believers who had formerly respected him as a leader.
Brent, let’s just say, for the sake of the argument, that you ARE being slandered. You did not confess your sin of sexual immorality until others confronted you about it. That is a very black mark against your character. By alleging that others are slandering you, and by nitpicking about all the secondary details, you are only piling up more black marks against your character.
You claim to have been “focusing on your own heart” but that claim rings hollow while you simultaneously and repeatedly and vociferously allege that others are slandering you.
If indeed you ARE being unjustly persecuted or maligned, would it not be wiser for you to suffer the persecution quietly in this instance, at least for a good long while, and devote more attention to your own heart, not in a double-tongued way, but wholly and genuinely?
Please, for your own sake Brent, stop making allegations of slander. At this point in time, your allegations are doing you no good. They are in fact harming and delaying your rehabilitation as a brother in Christ.
You have very little ground to stand on, Brent, for your allegations of slander to be heeded by the community of Christians who used to respect you.
I hope Brent realizes his actions here have disqualified him and he doesn’t try and make a quick return to ministry like you see with so many others. Tullian Tchividjian is one example. CJ Mahaney should have been disqualified but wasn’t.
Excellent analysis from someone who,has been following the SGM saga for quite a while.
I think you may have missed a few points. First one additional reason Brent was in the situation he was in is that he apparently refused to seek any type of gainful employment after being forced out of Sovereign Grace in 2009 by CJ Mahaney (Brent claims he resigned.). His blogging/writing apparently never raised that much income but still he choose to not find a way to support him and his before they divorced. His wife even went to work while Brent stayed home and “blogged.”
Not having any money and perhaps having exempted out of Social Security put him in a position to have to live with this couple since he couldn’t afford housing. 15 years without any significant money coming is a long time.
The other point is that Brent was divorced before his ex-wife Jenny died. That is something he seemed to hide. Despite being divorced, Brent had no issues criticizing Josh and Shannon for divorcing.
I would also add that I had a lot of respect for Brent doing what he did with compiling the documents and addressing the sin he saw in Sovereign Grace and especially with Mahaney.
I am sure it was hard no longer being in such a high up position one day and then suddenly out of work. That would justify taking some time off but eventually one has to find a way to make a living.
I was quite saddened to read this report of Brent with another man's wife. Sad for that family as well as what this action will do to the credibility of the documents Brent compiled.
I remember around 10 or 15 years ago reading some of his accounts and sensing deep bitterness in Brent. I think it’s a warning to those who do report or correct others that if it cannot be done in a spirit of Galatians 6, “Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you also won’t be tempted.”
(Galatians 6:1) then maybe it’s best to let others share your message and to wait for a season when you are more healed and able to report the misconduct. I do believe Brent allowed a spirit of bitterness to fester and this is connected.
It’s abuse. It reveals he didn’t have the structures in place relationally, community wise, inner circle to deal with the very first temptations at the thought level. That means wasn’t there for all the decades prior.
Personally, I think that is one of the biggest problems with most of the evangelical world: leaders are not accountable. They talk a lot about accountability, but they use it for the peasants like us, not the Anointed Ones™️.
Thank you for the high-flight view of the issues. I was an SGM member in Florida for some 25 years and left when we were told to stop bringing the disabled new believers because they made people uncomfortable. I haven’t had the stomach to follow a lot of the SGM holocaust, but this latest thing with Brent… how grievously disappointing!
He helped forge our little group into a true SGM church, for all that meant, but I did hold him in respect. As an aging senior now, I think a big part of the problem way back when was a lack of mature men and women in leadership. They were all young, and that was a heady amount of power and money to handle without seasoned voices. The end of a thing tells you the real story, and I don’t think even Stephen King could have written this one. .
Regarding his pastoral guest speaking position, it was with First Baptist Florala in Florala, Alabama, which can be confirmed. Brent was also wanting to start a men’s group in the church, and had wanted to lead it and collaborate with the Head Pastor, Pastor Chris. Unfortunately the affair and adultery put further ministry to a hault, pending confession, apology, and repentance to the church body. Brent has abandoned that church and has avoided that submission process, leaving the church body likely quite confused with his abrupt and unaddressed departure.
You are a serial liar Bekah about countless accusations. And yet people like Tim believe you. You are the wolf in sheep's clothing. Seriously so. A true angel of light. One day I will write about you and document it and fully expose you. I have never seen anyone lie and deceive like you except for sexual predators I have exposed. Anyone who believes you is a fool. But like it says in Proverbs, people love to swallow the dainty morsels of slander you feed them. I know you well. I counseled you and T.J. in depth. You have serious physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual problems. That's one reason you are on psychotropic drugs and believe bizarre conspiracy theories. Your marriage is also a wreck. You know these things are true. You are the one who told me you needed long term professional help. Furthermore, you are a spiteful and resentful person. Up until the time I had to confront your husband T.J. for being a con artist, you fully supported my work. You even bought me a laptop computer. Of course, you leave this out of your article and rail on your mother for supporting me. Your cunning and hypocrisy are so very great. I will publish all the evidence in the future. For now let me address your paragraph above. First, I never wanted to "start a men's group in the church, and had wanted to lead it and collaborate with Head Pastor, Pastor Chris." People in the church were asking me to teach a Sunday school class or a doctrine course. I offered to do so in response to their requests. I contacted Chris but it didn't fit into his set program for the church. That was fine. By the way, I have lost all respect for Chris. He supported your stepfather in the committing of felonies when he videoed us and he also acted contrary to Matt 18:15. The first step was never followed. No one came to your mother in private nor to me. Instead he led a shock confrontation of your mother. I will write about this in the future also. Second, my sin was not against the church. I was not even a member. There was no need for confession to the church. Jane and my sin should have been covered since we repented in private. That is the teaching of Matt. 18:15-18. Only if someone is unrepentant do you tell the church but you don't care about the teaching of Christ and Scripture. You violate it at every turn. You are diabolos. The slanderer. Third, I knew I needed to immediately move out of the area. I found housing 90 minutes away from Florala, AL. I did not abandon the church. Another lie. Fourth, there was no submission process. Moreover, if I returned to the church I would have had to publicly rebuke Chris and Jeremy for their unconscionable behavior. They violated the clear teaching of Scripture and endorsed the committing of crimes. Further, they even knew your husband T.J. and a church member were outside and near the house ready with guns in case I went ballistic when confronted. How awful is that! How shameful. Instead, I immediately repented and sincerely asked for forgiveness. Lastly, you have deceived so many people and inspired them to hate. I sinned. I renounced it. You continue full throttle because the poison of asps is under your tongue like Paul says in Rom. 3. You really are the wolf who has infiltrated the blog world to devour me and present yourself as the heroine. But you do not fool the Lord Jesus Christ. He will deal with you. What you have done will not stand. I will not be responding your past and ongoing slanders now but I will in the future.
Brent, I could give a pretty detailed response, but I'm not going to do that here. Instead, I want to ask you a simple question. Here is the question...
Let's say that, instead of it being you, it was Mark Prater or C.J. Mahaney in this situation. What would you say?
“You are a serial liar Bekah about countless accusations. And yet people like Tim believe you.”
So… you’ve decided that very intelligent people like Tim and countless others do not have the capacity or the commonality of discernment or common sense to be able to consider what I’ve shared, and hold that to the light so as to come to their own conclusion?
And, because that conclusion is not in favor of yourself, it is slanderous? Further, you also think that it’s acceptable to excuse yourself from accountabilities that you would certainly hold others to, and dare I say, in much harsher ways?
Where my stepfather allowed you to stay in the home 11 days after being exposed as an adulterer who was having relations with his wife, you want to say that he is the problem because he didn’t follow Matthew 18:15, according to you?
When Chris and Jeremy came to the house, they were so gracious, so kind and so careful with my mother and with you. The gentleness in the room could have put a child to sleep.
They were incredibly non confrontational, loving, calm, peaceful, and more. And yet you come to a public comment space and talk about how you would “publicly rebuke” them for their “unconscionable behavior.”
You are mad that you were caught in adultery and did not see it coming. You were upset that it didn't remain secret and unknown.
You were angry that the Pastor knew, and that he and Jeremy, and their authorities within the church organization expected you to come forward where you were attending, speaking, and yes, wanted to start a men’s group (according to church sources). You needed to be accountable and confess.
For the sake of (not) arguing about the “men’s group” specification, the fact that you were asked to “teach a Sunday school class or a doctrine course” by the congregation/members furthers the point that you most definitely should have gone back to that body and explained yourself to them, confessed, asked forgiveness, even if your plan was to move on.
It boils down to this: you had every intention of being an active participant, spoke, and were hoping for leadership capacity within that body of Christ and you just stopped showing up, before you moved out of my parents home.
Is your argument truly that you were not inducted as a member via a membership ceremony or class?
You were part of the church directory (according to Pastor Chris), and wanted to be removed from it after you were confronted. You did not attend church there for the next 2 Sundays following, and before you moved out of the home.
Brent, I have written about the laptop being gifted, I have written about your emails with my husband, I have shared everything as an open book. You are incredibly confused if you believe that we have done anything to “wrong” you. Isn't that like blaming the victims?
You have carried on with our mother even as she is still married and you will not turn away, even still. You continue to minimize and lash out, and the truth is that people can see and discern for themselves even just on your behavior alone, I believe.
Moving along, you did not counsel with TJ and I "in depth". We came to you about our mother, and you counseled and consulted with us in regards to her intervention. Also, in some of those meetings, we discussed some theological items or had side note conversations. You were not our marriage counselor nor did we come to you for any other defined matter besides our mother’s addiction and concerns we had about her mental health and behavioral health. And at the time, we appreciate the counsel (most of the time). We have not denied that.
I want to touch back to the laptop situation- there is no denying that we gifted you a laptop. Yours was very old, and I felt in my heart to do it. That does not mean that I was in full understanding of your work, or even knew you that well. But, I didn’t have to, it was done because I wanted to do it. You had just been at my parents home for 5 days when I purchased the laptop, in fact.
While I think everyone in today’s society experiences some form of stress or insecurity, it is quite ballsy to state that I have “serious physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual problems.” (Also, I’ve seen this line written elsewhere, so either you are the original writer or you are plagiarizing).
Actually, let me walk that back. I did survive (miraculously) stage 4 melanoma when I was 18 years old. I thank God every day for His hand on my life. See, God told me that I was going to be fine. My own mother didn't believe me and thought I was "crazy" for thinking so, but as it turns out, I was right. God was right. Physically flawed, yes (scars from surgery), spiritually problematic, certainly not.
However, you have taken advantage of a woman who has not even been a year off of an intense array of medications that have affected her and our family for almost 2 decades. Waltzing into the home as you did and being as entrenched as you have been cannot even provide you with a fraction of the knowledge we hold of that expansive and devastating time frame. And in terms of my own health in all accounts, you equally would have no idea.
All that you have been aware of is the love, dedication, sacrifice, and great lengths I have gone, now twice this year, to try and save my mother’s life. That’s not the work of a seriously malfunctioned person, I assure you.
I’m curious, though. What conspiracy theories are you referring to? (Also, another potentially plagiarized line.) I’d like to know, in all seriousness.
We come to a moment that I have to remind myself to remain polite about, even though my senses tell me it’s not the time for kindness. My marriage is not a wreck, and attacking that, like a rabid cat who has been backed into a corner, is not a good look.
Calling my husband a “con artist” is a brand new one. What exactly is that referring to?
For everyone’s reference, Con Artist: a swindler who exploits the confidence of his victim.
I don’t see how this pertains to my husband in any way. He was nothing but kind and generous towards you, and even as you were proverbially standing on his back, pushing his face into the dirt, he was courteous, respectful, humble, and tried to reconcile that version with what he wanted to see in you.
He did not give you a reaction that you were looking for when you were relentless in a circular correspondence with him. I’ve posted the review of these emails and also the emails themselves.
The characterization you have portrayed of my husband the night of the confrontation is quite an interesting one. He has his conceal and carry. A lot of people in our area have the same. He almost always has a gun on him. You also have a gun. What is the problem exactly?
No one wants to “devour” you, Brent, except for the enemy. It seems you have willfully allowed him to continue killing, stealing, and destroying you, not by anything I have written (which is true), but by your own actions and reactions before and since. You cannot blame anyone else; not my stepfather, Pastor Chris, Jeremy, my husband, the community, or myself for your actions and your reactions.
I'd advise you to simply become fully transparent, answer the questions that have been plainly laid out for you (https://alanbrentdetwiler.com/request-for-transparency-to-brent-detwiler-about-adultery-and-the-deception/), and you can put the work in towards regeneration and making things right with our family, your friends, followers, and the community who are all looking to you for the same transparency and response to my questions.
Attacking me, my family, the church you went to, or anyone who discerns in a way you don’t like is not the way to move forward.
"No one wants to “devour” you, Brent, except for the enemy. It seems you have willfully allowed him to continue killing, stealing, and destroying you, not by anything I have written (which is true), but by your own actions and reactions before and since. You cannot blame anyone else; not my stepfather, Pastor Chris, Jeremy, my husband, the community, or myself for your actions and your reactions."
I’ll finish up what I was saying. It isn’t visible for some reason!
The problem with your blog is that you don’t have 95% of documentation to back up your claims. None! It’s just your “musings” about Brent and myselfu. SO. MUCH. WRONG!! We have NEVER minimized our sin and what we did. We dealt with it, repented, and asked forgiveness. And, despite what you “think” we have ceased ANY kind of physical relationship. Quite frankly I don’t give a HOOT about people like Steve Wells and “what they think” and how they take apart our repentance! The “We Stand” group who alludes to being traumatized by Sovereign Grace … is responding just like Sovereign Grace’ites!! Their judging knows no bounds. The “additions” to your blog are literally filled with misrepresentations! I’m fixing to share just one out of MANY!! Go ahead and enjoy your notoriety right now… your “glory days”, because you ARE going to be taken down for the many misrepresentations and lies. We do NOT need to ask your forgiveness! Neither Brent nor myself transgressed against YOU!! You are an (almost) 43 year old woman with a lot of time on your hands.
As far as Brent staying a few extra days..? Ernie TOLD him that he could! The very next day he began to look for a place to go! The day after that he started packing his things! But, you wouldn’t know this, because you do not live with us. You didn’t even come around for 8 months. Didn’t step foot on our property that entire time. And, yet… you “assume” so much. You know what I’ve already said about “assuming”. Taking that analogy you make an a** of your yourself over and over and over again.
Here is just one example of misrepresentation in your blog:
You state that “Brent asked us to go on a trip with him…” That is a lie. I have a copy of the email that he sent to you and I’m going to copy and paste it right here right now:
This is what you said on your timeline:
February 18, 2024
My siblings and I received an email from Brent telling us that he would like to go out of town on a trip with us sometime. A little bit... weird, but we were of course polite and I had replied, "Yeah, totally!"
And, this are the emails:
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Saturday, February 17, 2024 6:27 PM
To: Fulmer Bekah; Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Out on Town
I’d enjoy going out on the town some time with you all and Rachel if that is possible.
From: Rebekah Wagner
Sent: Sunday, February 18, 2024 11:00 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Re: Out on Town
Yeah, totally!
If you didn’t understand what Brent was saying then why didn’t you ask why he wanted you to go out of town? But I don’t think that’s what it was at all. I think that once again you were trying to mislead people on your blog.
Bekah, you have plenty of things on your own home front that you need to be focused on right now. You are about to be 43 years old in January and TJ just turned 30 in June. These differences present a very big picture where the national average for marriage - where there is this much of an age difference and the wife is the older - are not that good. You do have issues in your marriage. Most of us have witnessed those issues when you are around us in public. And some of them are quite concerning, so put your focus where it needs to be right now and that is on you and TJ. Do the work in your own home or as scripture says, “Remove the log from your own eye before you try to remove the splinters from the eyes of others”.
Well, first of all Brent and I are NOT “carrying on”! You know what they say about people who assume things? They make an “ass of u & me”… “assume”. You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. You sit around and “conjure” ideas and innuendoes and sit behind a keyboard and do all that you can to destroy, slander and lie about two people. You can 100% be sued for libel. AND, Ernie told you to stop! He told you to take your “BS” off of the internet. He told you that if anyone has the right to say anything it would be him, but he is not going to do that, because he FORGAVE Brent when Brent apologized to Ernie. It doesn’t matter what you think - whether the confession and apology were sincere. This was between Ernie and I, and Ernie and Brent. Ernie is fine with Brent’s apology. Ernie, Brent and I have moved on! YOU are the one sticking your nose where it has never belonged.
The problem with your blog is that you don’t have 95% of documentation to back up your claims. None! It’s just your “musings” about Brent and myself. SO. MUCH. WRONG. We have NEVER minimized our sin and what we did. We dealt with it, repented, and asked forgiveness. And, despite what you “think” we have ceased ANY kind of physical relationship. Quite frankly I don’t give a HOOT about people who have dissected and taken apart - for instance Brent’s public confession. I don’t care “what they think” and how they take apart our repentance! The “We Stand” group who alludes to being traumatized by Sovereign Grace … is responding just like Sovereign Grace’ites!! Their judging knows no bounds. The “additions” to your blog are literally filled with misrepresentations! I’m fixing to share just one out of MANY!! Go ahead and enjoy your notoriety right now… your “glory days”, because you ARE going to be taken down for the many misrepresentations and lies. We do NOT need to ask your forgiveness! Neither Brent nor myself transgressed against YOU!! You are an (almost) 43 year old woman with a lot of time on your hands.
As far as Brent staying a few extra days..? Ernie TOLD him that he could! Whether you would do this or not makes no difference! The very next day he began to look for a place to go! The day after that he started packing his things! But, you wouldn’t know this, because you do not live with us. You didn’t even come around for 8 months. Didn’t step foot on our property that entire time. And, yet… you “assume” and appear to know so much. You know what I’ve already said about “assuming”.
Here is just one example of misrepresentation in your blog:
You state that “Brent asked us to go on a trip with him…” That is a lie. I have a copy of the email that he sent to you and I’m going to copy and paste it right here right now:
Your “timeline” comment first:
February 18, 2024
My siblings and I received an email from Brent telling us that he would like to go out of town on a trip with us sometime. A little bit... weird, but we were of course polite and I had replied, "Yeah, totally!"
The actual email that Brent sent to you:
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Saturday, February 17, 2024 6:27 PM
To: Fulmer Bekah; Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Out on Town
I’d enjoy going out on the town some time with you all and Rachel if that is possible.
Your response:
From: Rebekah Wagner
Sent: Sunday, February 18, 2024 11:00 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Re: Out on Town
Yeah, totally!
He NEVER asked you guys to “go out of town” with him. He asked you to go “OUT on the town”! You know what this means, too: Go out to dinner and/or a fun event in the process. But, posting misleading comments about the both of us has been your mission, and
this is one of SO MANY that you have misspoken about! One of SO many!
And, anyone reading this right now especially those who have interacted with Brent over the years… he is a truthful person and he keeps copious notes and emails. When he writes about someone he always provides documentation to back up his claims. Bekah has provided NO BACKUP! And, for someone who comes across as having all of the answers you need to ask yourselves, “where is the documentation to back up her claims?” Where is an email trail. They don’t exist, because what she has written and claimed to know are half truths at best but primarily lies.
Guys, Bekah is a smart person and that can be the most dangerous kind of person. She is smart enough to pull you into her story, gain your sympathy and ultimately your trust. And, as a result, she has lied and slandered her own mom, calling me an “undiagnosed pathological liar”… horrible horrible things. I am quite certain Brent dealt with his sin, sought forgiveness from God and my husband, so there was no need for her to do what she has done, except it is pure spite!
Bekah, I want to address you yet again. I do not think the Lord is pleased with what you have done. You have attempted to ruin a good man who has done so much good for sexually abused victims, as well as brought SG to its knees, and rightfully so. You have worked very hard to ruin his reputation and your motives are sinful ones. When, what you should be doing is working on your marriage. You are about to be 43 years old and your husband turned 30 this past year, and that is going to require a lot of work to beat the odds yourself of divorce. Sadly, most marriages with this type of age gap fail. So, get off of your high and mighty soapbox and get back to doing the things that should matter more to you than anything else in this world: you and TJ. Invest your time and energy into your own marriage! I have seen a lot of the issues and have been quite concerned at times. TJ is supposed to lead in the home. He told Brent that he is more concerned with “just doing“what the spirit tells me to do” (if you want there is an email for this comment), but we can’t trust what is in our hearts. That’s why we trust and cling to the inerrant and infallible Word of the Living God. I hope that you will - for your own sake - take this advice and straighten out your priorities. Go ahead and remove the log from your own eye before digging the splinter out of mine.
Before I read all of this, I want to say that you are entirely correct about the email pertaining to the "trip." I misread that email as saying, "going out of town" rather than "going out on the town."
Brent did however speak directly with my husband and I at Chick Fil A, while we sat in the truck, about wanting to go away on a trip with us sometime. But regardless, I will update that notation in The Timeline. That was an error on my part.
Regarding the remainder of this comment, you sound like Brent and need to take a breath. Doing what the Holy Spirit tells us to do is precisely the right way to live. This is not about your "sins" at face value as much as it is about the deception, the minimization, the lashing out, and the poor handling of yourselves.
Secondly, your husband never told us to "stop" telling the truth. How absurd. He has never told us to "take it down" either. No one has except for yourself.
Lastly, is Brent not answering the questions that have been prepared for him in good faith and for full transparency?
In closing, do not disparage the SGM Survivors group on Facebook. You came into that group as yourself, and with two newly made alias accounts to lie about your history with Brent and Jenny Detwiler, and to state that you did not believe Brent could/would have an affair. You were called out on these lies and refused to acknowledge them when the Admins asked you to.
I implore you to get off of the internet and collect yourself.
The problem with your blog is that you don’t have 95% of documentation to back up your claims. None! It’s just your “musings” about Brent and myselfu. SO. MUCH. WRONG!! We have NEVER minimized our sin and what we did. We dealt with it, repented, and asked forgiveness. And, despite what you “think” we have ceased ANY kind of physical relationship. Quite frankly I don’t give a HOOT about people like Steve Wells and “what they think” and how they take apart our repentance! The “We Stand” group who alludes to being traumatized by Sovereign Grace … is responding just like Sovereign Grace’ites!! Their judging knows no bounds. The “additions” to your blog are literally filled with misrepresentations! I’m fixing to share just one out of MANY!! Go ahead and enjoy your notoriety right now… your “glory days”, because you ARE going to be taken down for the many misrepresentations and lies. We do NOT need to ask your forgiveness! Neither Brent nor myself transgressed against YOU!! You are an (almost) 43 year old woman with a lot of time on your hands.
As far as Brent staying a few extra days..? Ernie TOLD him that he could! The very next day he began to look for a place to go! The day after that he started packing his things! But, you wouldn’t know this, because you do not live with us. You didn’t even come around for 8 months. Didn’t step foot on our property that entire time. And, yet… you “assume” so much. You know what I’ve already said about “assuming”. Taking that analogy you make an a** of your yourself over and over and over again.
Here is just one example of misrepresentation in your blog:
You state that “Brent asked us to go on a trip with him…” That is a lie. I have a copy of the email that he sent to you and I’m going to copy and paste it right here right now:
February 18, 2024
My siblings and I received an email from Brent telling us that he would like to go out of town on a trip with us sometime. A little bit... weird, but we were of course polite and I had replied, "Yeah, totally!"
What Brent actually said - email documents this:
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Saturday, February 17, 2024 6:27 PM
To: Fulmer Bekah; Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Out on Town
I’d enjoy going out on the town some time with you all and Rachel if that is possible.
From: Rebekah Wagner
Sent: Sunday, February 18, 2024 11:00 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Re: Out on Town
Yeah, totally!
If you thought he wanted to go out of town with you why didn’t you ask what he meant?
Bekah, you have a lot that you need to be focused on right now: Your own marriage and home life. You are about to be 43 years old and TJ turned 30 this past June. The national odds for a marriage of this kind of age difference especially when the wife is the older
As someone who has no skin in this game, it's amazing to me to see that "Jane" and Brent are so fired up about all these ways that people are sinning against them...but their adulterous affair was just like this tiny little oversight between two otherwise perfectly virtuous lovers of God.
No otherwise virtuous people "simply" have an affair. Your hearts were far from the Lord long before you started physically cheating on your husband in his own home. With Brent I suspect it's all of his self-righteousness that drove his ex wife and his children from him. He's a bitter, broken man, everyone one whose been to his website knows that off the bat. Brent, your own lovely wife divorced you and your kids are alienated from you. It's unfortunate Jenny isn't here to tell us the whole story there. None of the Lord's discipline on your life has led you to meaningful self-reflection. And now he has turned you over to your own desires, so much so that there is no real repentance, just a performative "I said I'm sorry now you have to shut up about it". Real repentance would be demonstrated by your willingness to bear the blows of those whom you have hurt so much by your wickedness. Yes you sinned again Ernie, but you also grievously hurt Bekah and their families too. You are splitting up a marriage. Whatever the state of it prior to your involvement, YOU Brent are the homewrecker, the proximate cause of their divorce. If you had the Holy Spirit indwelling you, you wouldn't lash out like you are. You are demonstrating apostasy just as much as Josh Harris has. Any church should excommunicate you in hopes that you come to your senses and experience genuine repentance.
Watching a mother attack her daughter like this is just utterly tragic. As a parent who has endured many false accusations from their children, I may defend myself and seek to correct the record but I could NEVER imagine trying to belittle them publicly for all to see, sharing all of their past sins in an effort to shame them. Jane, you look petty and little and utterly unrepentant and unashamed of your wicked behavior.
Yes, it's clear that Bekah is really really angry at Brent because he is a homewrecker. Yes she's said things that she should probably repent of herself. But all that Brent and Jane care about is their own reputations, which is why both Brent and Jane attacked Bekah's character rather than just grieving over and over for their own wickendness.
Brent you are reaping what you've sown. You own life has been destroyed. Financial ruin. Your wife divorced you (disqualifying you from ministry anyway). Your children have distanced themselves from you. You are left to begging for housing. And now you have shown how bankrupt your heart has become by worming your way into the heart of a weak willed woman and bringing down a struggling marriage. You have become worse than anything you've accused CJ or the multitudes of other men you've pretended to be a prophetic voice too.
Everything you've ever written should be called into question. You were never the virtuous man you pretended to be, and now the whole world knows it. Everyone, it appears, except for yourself and Jane.
I have no firsthand knowledge of the details of Brent's backstory, so to this point I was willing to give him the benefit of a doubt on that part.
What IS concerning is that he and "Jane" have taken to a tactic that is known in crisis communication circles as DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
That Brent and "Jane" have mounted a frontal attack against Bekah is quite telling. The denials amount to Bill Clinton-style minimization.
As I said, if this were any Sovereign Grace leader--Josh Harris, C.J. Mahaney, Mark Prater--Brent would be calling down everything short of imprecatory Psalms on them. But because HE is the one in the hot seat, it's minimization and DARVO.
Not knowing the details of his backstory, keying solely on the use of Image Repair, it tells me he's got a serious problem. And when I key on Image Repair, it gives these guys away 100% of the time.
Brent needs to sit down and engage in some honest contemplative introspection with respect to the Scriptures. His response is nothing close to the humility that we see in the King David of Psalm 51.
This isn't about fitness for ministry anymore; that's not on the table. This is about something far more important.
Put your focus in your own home. Family have been around the two of you and we have all seen kinks in the armor so to speak! This should be your focus. Or as scripture says, “Get the log out of your own eye, before you attack the splinters in the eyes of others.
Also, my stepfather didn’t commit any crime. However you have. Adultery is a crime in the state of FL. Her husband had every right under Florida law to put up cameras anywhere in the home (and I mean, anywhere) to document the affair and/or any crimes. Stop accusing him of committing a felony as it’s not true in the least. We received legal and professional information on the topic beforehand and since.
Brent, if you cannot see yourself as a wolf here who wormed your way into the heart of a weak willed woman, you have not truly repented because you haven't seen just how serious your sin is. You proclaim you are sinless in regards to the family. You are every bit as blind as you claim CJ and all the others were.
It doesn't matter that you may not have engaged in intercourse with this married woman. You engaged in sexualized activity with her while she was married. Whatever the details, you did things with a man's wife that only he should be doing, In his very home while he was upstairs (and some of the time downstairs watching you). Then you sounded off about how sinful he was in recording your sin and not confronting you according the pattern you demand.
You have refused to acknowledge it for what it is -- adultery. You have broken up their marriage. You have shattered a family. Brent, YOU ARE THE MAN.
Literally everyone on the internet can see it but you. You are blind. You are hard hearted, and were you actively a member of a Bible-believing church, you would be excommunicated.
But I'm guessing you are not a member anywhere, and so you are able to avoid accountability and discipline that you demand of others. You are a hypocrite and a Pharisee.
Josh! I’m being portrayed as a “weak willed” woman. That could not be further from the truth! I was complicit in what we did. And even before I say what I’m fixing to say - the haters will come after me for this. Nevertheless …. As far as the law and even as far as the “Commandment” we didn’t commit adultery. The hidden camera was in the family room where we watched tv. We didn’t “lay down”… none of that! According to Matthew 18, my husband should have come hurt to us FIRST and confronted us. No other people involved at that point. Brent did repent and ask forgiveness of my husband, but by then the show was over anyway. Brent told me he was pulling back from a physical relationship, because it was not appropriate! I agreed with his request. We had already repented before God and if my husband had confronted us himself it would have been just like I said it would be. BUT, if Brent had been arrogant, unwilling to admit the sin then you call in one or two people and if he STILL refuse to repent then it goes public! This has all been wrong from thday getgo. The “We Stand” FB page has bought into an erroneous blog.
My blog was posted and admin won’t allow me to even comment on my own blog. But my daughter has full reign.
Anyway I want people to STOP referring to me as a weak woman who didn’t know what she was doing. I did know and it is over. Also, someone needs to ask my daughter if she has seen the video. According to my husband no one has seen them. SO she is assuming a whole lot. Everybody is!
Again, I’m still so curious what you and Mr. Detwiler’s working definition of adultery is, if it does not include, “limited, but serious, sexual activity.”
If my husband did any serious, sexual activity, with another woman, no matter how “limited” I would consider it adultery. As my working definition of adultery would be any form of sexual intimacy with someone who is married to someone else. If he tried to tell me it wasn’t adultery because kissing etc happened “sitting up” instead of “lying down” …I think I would start laughing at him because that is so absurd, the mental gymnastics, to avoid taking complete ownership of the quagmire you both find yourself in, is simply quite stunning.
It’s also quite curious, to me, that you two are so upset and self-righteously angry about this going public, when the fact is the only reason this went public is because Mr. Detwiler presents himself as a very public person who works to “expose” teachers and leaders for not “being above reproach,” and then presents himself as a teacher, preacher, and leader (his own words on his website). By his own standards he should have come out and confessed publicly, on his own, to the people who have trusted him, without prompting, because this is per his standard disqualifies him from the position he placed himself in, as he is no longer without reproach.
Then why is it that when we had the confrontation on November 7, you began by immediately denying that anything had been going on with yourself and Brent? You only became annoyed and relented to the truth when your husband advised you that there was evidence to the contrary.
Why each and every time leading up to the confrontation, did you repeatedly deny that anything had been going on with yourself and Brent? Why would you become angry with your husband when he inquired about this privately? You had every opportunity to be truthful in private with your husband before he came with biblical assistance.
Why when Brent supposedly decided to pull away from the physical relationship, did he not also go to your husband and confess? Why did he retreat to the 5th Wheel the night that he was to be confronted? There are a lot of questions and a lot of opportunity for you both to have been honest in private with your husband before November 7. You both chose to continue to deceive with no intention of confession or apology.
Brent needs to stop making excuses and blaming everyone else for what has transpired and he also needs to stop using you as his toy soldier on the front line of this.
Also stop lying/excusing via what you both believe is a technicality, because there is not one to be claimed.
“In Florida, adultery is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their spouse.”
“In Florida, intercourse is defined as sexual contact that occurs without force or threat of force. This includes any sexual activity, such as oral, anal, or vaginal penetration, or lewd sexual gestures.”
In Florida, “Sexual activity" means "vaginal, anal, or oral penetration by a sexual organ or by another object. It also includes fondling of the breasts, buttocks, inner thighs, groin, or genital area."
“Proof in Florida
To impact a divorce case, adultery must be proven by clear and convincing evidence. This can include: •
• Eyewitness testimony
• Photographs or videos
• Emails, text messages, or other electronic communications
• Hotel or credit card receipts
• Admission”
Now… will you both stop lying and be completely transparent? Does it need to be further spelled out?
Jane, Weak willed woman is what the Bible calls you, not just what I call you, and Brent knows full well that's true. It does not matter that you initiated it. He willingly and lustfully participated. Remember the garden? Eve may have initiated the temptation with the fruit, but Adam was held responsible and at the very least Brent is equally liable. You are not called weak willed by the Bible because you were seduced but because as the weaker vessel (again, the Bible's words, not mine), Brent took advantage. Brent knows full well what this means and unless he's also renouncing his complimentarianism, he knows he can't wiggle out of that culpability even as he cowardly let you take the fall. He clearly wormed his way into your home, entrenched himself in your and your husband's daily lives, allowed himself to be used as a surrogate husband (his words), spent time with you one on one, and allowed all the one on one time to lead to flirtation which led to an emotional affair that quickly turned to a physical affair. Even if he'd never touched you, he was sinning actively, unrepentantly, and in an ongoing manner against you, against your husband, against your family, and against the Lord.
Your daughter has shown you the Florida statute which plainly shows you and Brent engaged in the legal definition of adultery, and the biblical definition is even lower than that. You are adulterers, plain and simple, and you have no moral right to complain about the way your wickedness has been uncovered and discussed. You and Brent have brought this on yourselves, and your repentance has been found wanting by everyone who has heard you describe it.
You are continuing to at least continue the emotional affair, biding your time until you can be divorced to pursue something with Brent, and Brent continues to allow it. This is continued wickedness and demonstrates only earthly regret that you were discovered not godly repentance. If you were both truly repentant you would agree to never see or speak to each other again and to do whatever you could to restore your marriage covenant that you have broken.
Tim, I want to share another observation. My daughter seems to “know” all about the video, what actually transpired, yet my husband has told me that no one has seen the video except for him. Her blog description(s) would only be conjecture… she literally has no idea! Yet, talks a good talk. Hey Tim, will you pls tell Steve how awful he is to share MY blog and not “allow” me to even answer to the accusations!! My daughter has been able to have full reign over hers. I think I know why… mine isn’t the fodder that they want! OH! While you are at it you may want to share that gossip is a sin! They are doing plenty of that!
One more thing and this is for Marquez Renee…Brent and I have NEVER lain together. I’m sorry your husband cheated on you, but pls don’t use transference as a way to let out your anger. Brent and I have never had intercourse. Period!!
Thx Tim… in advance for telling the admin over there to “DO THE RIGHT THING!” The biggest carriage of justice, and they claim to be “Christians”!
Jane I told you to contact me on FB Messenger on Tuesday evening and so far you haven’t done that. Also realize I am only 1 of 4 moderators of the Sovereign Grace Survivor Facebook group. Don’t act as if I am the only controlling the group. We typically discuss most actions.
The moderators are going to want answers about some of your contradictory posts before we allow you to comment again.
Also, please don’t try the old age worn “gossip” card to try and use that to shutdown exposure.
I don’t know HOW to contact you, Steve! I responded to your email as such. The group has no option for Messenger on their page like individuals do. If you tell me HOW to get with you I sure will! Let me know.
Facebook allows you to send messages to other Facebook members using Facebook Messenger. This has nothing to do specifically with the Sovereign Grace Facebook group. I have sent you a few messages myself using Facebook Messenger with no response.
If you aren’t friends with Steve on your Jane account they might be under message requests, which is in a different area than where messages from people you know show up.
You continue to lie and deceive! I did not commit adultery! I broke no laws but your stepfather did. Charges could be brought against him. It is against the law to video infidelity in Florida. It is a felony. But the truth means nothing to you. You know that to be the case. The legal counsel he received was bogus. Just read the statutes in Florida.
And of course, there is no evidence of adultery or sexual intercourse. None. Why? Because it did not happened but you take great joy in making up such a lie and spreading it to your undiscerning followers. They in turn pass on your lies. It is vicious. And it is despicable.
You are a slanderer! You love to lie like the father of lies - the devil. The truth is not in you. So continue your slander and hateful endeavors to lead people astray. But no one should believe anything you say and you never back up what you say with evidence. You just make accusations. There is no documentation. But I do have all the documentation to prove you a vicious liar.
I have not done that because I have been focused on my own heart while you and other people have been brutally slandering your mother and I that last two weeks. But you definitely need to be opposed and exposed with the truth.
You can't even get the day of the crisis intervention with your mom right on your timeline. You have Feb. 19. It was Feb. 17. Of course, you will correct it now. But this is the kind of shoddy information you propagate. There are scores, if not hundreds, of examples like this.
But far worse is the way you flat out lie. For example, your husband didn't just happen to be carrying a weapon the night we were confronted on Nov. 6. Your stepfather asked your husband (his nephew) to be ready to shoot me if I got violent. What? That night your mother feared for her life. She still does.
A couple weeks ago, he told your mother he wished he had killed her and me while he was yelling and giving her the finger. Yet he told Chris, the pastor, that he was interesting in saving the marriage. That was a bold faced lie to look good. He has had no interest in the marriage for years. He refused every appeal by your mother to get help and work on their marriage. Instead, he deserted her in body, heart, and soul. He even left her to die for which he has never asked forgiveness. Now, those are the facts!
This is my last comment. Continue to spew the venom of hell on this and other blogs. But as I said before, the Lord Jesus Christ is taking account of every wicked word and he will bring you into judgement as He teaches in Holy Scripture.
Brent, I'm not trying to be mean or vindictive. I really want good for you.
But we have a problem: there's a large elephant in the room. And that elephant is crapping all over the carpet.
You know what that "elephant" is? You (and by extension "Jane") are telling on yourself, the same way Ravi Zacharias told on himself.
Your failings are nowhere near those of the late Ravi. But your use of Image Repair--especially full-on DARVO and various forms of MINIMIZATION, it gives you away.
Why is that an elephant? You're the only one in the room who refuses to acknowledge it.
Genuinely curious Mr. Detwiler, what you consider the definition of adultery?
Are you using the Merriam-Webster? Oxford Dictionary? Dictionary.com? Wikipedia? It doesn’t sound like you’re using the Bible, but maybe there’s a chapter and verse I’m not thinking of, you’re the self professed teacher, preacher, and leader.
Let me tell you, my definition of adultery would be any form of sexual intimacy with someone who is married to someone else, which you clearly admitted to with the sentence, “We began to relate in limited, but serious, sexual activity,” at BrentDetwiler.com
And I’m know you’re aware of Jesus’s definition of adultery…having listened to your preaching and teaching as a teenager on purity. So to me your stance here and in other places insisting you didn’t commit adultery while admitting to “limited, but serious, sexual activity,” whew, the mental gymnastics and potential self deception you seem to be exhibiting here—is stunning and really fascinates me, truly.
So again, genuinely curious here. What is your definition of adultery?
And other questions, do you think an affair and adultery are different? That adultery and infidelity are different? That only specific sexual activities qualify as adultery?
The “family” version that you received was from my daughter. She is fixing to turn 43, does not live with us, and 8 out of the 12 months that Brent lived with us she didn’t set foot on our property. I am “Jane” and have spoken in a blog about the truth. We Stand With SG Survivors refused to post my blog and banned me. First, under my real name and then under the name Jane.
Here is the true account of the 12 months that Brent lived with us. I created the alias of “Jane” so that I could monitor the site. My blog doesn’t fit the narrative they wanted to portray. This is the truth about what went on in my home. Brent repented for sinning against my husband, and my husband forgave him. Incidentally, my husband told my daughter to take down her blog! Brent was nothing but humble and gracious while living in our home. The inappropriate intimacy took place for about a 4 week span at the end of the time he lived with us. Other than that we were platonic friends and he was always above board around me. He is most certainly not a sexual predator!! I’m the one who initiated what happened, but read my blog.
(1) I'm not saying that Brent is a sexual predator; I'm saying that he got lonely and stupid and, even though he did not set out to do harm, has done great harm. He needs to own that. What you have communicated in your own blog is evidence that he has done great harm.
(2) This has nothing to do with who initiated what. Even if you barged into his bedroom naked and jumped on him, it's still on him to be the man of God and make it a teachable moment. One who aspires to that kind of leadership needs to be a cut above the rest of us. That's what "above reproach" is all about.
(3) I never found fault with any of his exposes or critiques of Sovereign Grace culture. That's not the issue here. On that front, he has done a great service. I do have my questions as to what his role was in creating that culture, and how much of that he has taken ownership of.
(4) Brent needs to answer for Brent. He's the man; it's on him to answer for himself.
At this point, Brent needs to accept that he is no longer qualified to be a minister. Whether he sees this as a mere "inappropriate relationship", or whether this was a case of clergy sexual abuse--as many of the rest of us maintain--it's a moot point: he has disqualified himself, as he is no longer "above reproach", and it is likely prohibitively difficult, based on his offenses, to become "above reproach".
I say this not out of any personal animus against Brent. I find his case to be a very sad and depressing one.
I actually wrote the blog on my own not to take up an offense for Brent! But, to take up an offense towards the slander that was aimed at me. It was wrong. I wanted to tell the real story of how Brent responded while living in our home. Nothing inappropriate happened until @mid September. All of the rest of that time everything was above board.
I’m sure that you know the story of David and Bathsheba… in your world - and if he were alive today - you would condemn him for any type of ministry as well, and yet he was a man after God’s own heart! There was also Rahab the Harlot… did you know that she was included in the “generational line” of which Jesus would descend? The Lord is in the habit of using washed up, sinful has beens! His grace knows no limits. There are so many more examples in the Bible too many to name. Our God is the Lord of second chances… and 50 chances … and a billion chances! I wouldn’t count him out just yet. 🙂
What I shared in my blog is indeed true. The good the bad and the ugly. He apologized to my husband and my husband forgave him. I also apologized and my husband “said” he forgave me. There are two distinct sides to my husband and myself. He is yet to apologize for leaving me in a heap on the floor with a BP of 44/22. If not for the paramedic I would have died. He has also told me that he quit loving me after my last three surgeries … burned out on being a care giver… so there is more in this story than myself and Brent. It was “the perfect storm” for our home.
I’m curious … if you were in bed and a pretty naked woman walked in and got on top of you would you use that as a “teachable moment”? That didn’t happen in our case. We did not have intercourse … ever. I dare say that MOST men would not react like that unless they were gay. We (who are in Christ) are all a bunch of sinful imperfect people living on a sinful imperfect planet serving an awesome Savior.
I stand 100% behind Ang by my blog. I agonized over writing it, but the truth needed to prevail and it really did.
"I’m curious … if you were in bed and a pretty naked woman walked in and got on top of you would you use that as a “teachable moment”?"
Yes. And there is no way anyone other than my wife would want to be in that bedroom. 😂
Look, I'm sorry for what you've been through. Really, I am. As someone who struggles with chronic back issues--I have blown disks from my neck to S5, it's why my running days are over--I totally empathize. And while I have not had painkiller addiction issues--only because I have stayed off them intentionally--I feel awful for anyone caught in the web of that. I know folks who have struggled with them. In my state, opioid deaths are substantial.
I also feel terrible for the way your relationship with your husband has cratered. While we ideally hope for husbands and wives to resolve their issues as Christians, it is documented fact that, like any other demographic group, Christians are not immune to having bad marriages.
And I can see where someone like Brent would have been attractive to you in a situation like that. He got lonely and stupid, and you probably experienced a phenomenon that counselors would call transference. When that happens, it's important for the counselor--or pastor--to acknowledge where there may be an attraction that has materialized. (Being attracted is not a sin.) It's on him to redirect certain actions and even set boundaries; it's called being honest about what you are experiencing. But if you get lonely and stupid--which is likely what happened to Brent--you can end up accepting risks that you would never advise for anyone else.
The problem? When you're a pastor and you cross that line, it becomes disqualifying. Why? 1 Timothy 3 has specific requirements for deacons and elders (i.e. pastors). They need to be a cut above the rest.
Moreover, he needs to face the music within the church body. The Steve Lawson defense doesn't cut it here.
If this were any Sovereign Grace leader--or adjacent--I know Brent would be calling them to account a lot harder than I am calling him here. I know this because he has done exactly that.
I'd say Brent has a unique opportunity here: he can do what the other Sovereign Grace folks refuse to do: acknowledge the damage that has been done, accept full responsibility for the outcomes, and accept the implications of his actions on any future qualification.
Tim, first of all I do have a sense of humor. Things began to break in my marriage long before Brent arrived on the scene. And, when the intervention happened my husband was not invited nor could he come over to tell me good bye. The kids didn’t trust him. It is funny to me how all of a sudden my daughter acts like he walks on water. The night he left me in a heap on the floor of our bedroom and walked out.. she hated him. Her assessment about our marriage and that we “wouldn’t be divorcing if Brent hadn’t of been there” is conjecture and it is a lie. I knew after my 2020 surgeries that we were losing it. I begged him to go to counseling and he did not want to and blew me off. SO here we are. I blame him in a lot of ways for how this is going down. He withheld affection from me and basically abandoned the marriage. I honestly cannot remember if I said this or not, but he just got to where he didn’t wanna go watch a movie he didn’t wanna watch football and one evening. He told me that he had to engage with people all day and when he came home, he did not want to have to engage with me. In fact, I’m in a hotel room tonight because I didn’t feel safe at home.
As for my repenting and Brent repenting … we have covered that one quite well. In fact we have beaten it to death! The fruit of that repentance is no physical intimacy. I already know that some don’t believe this, but if they don’t it’s not my problem. Oh! I am not “paying Brent’s way” either. I feel like I have beaten a dead horse, so I’m going to leave with this thought. “We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus. For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor things present or things to come, nor height nor depths nor any other creature will EVER separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” I’m thankful that I am accountable to him and not to the “We stand” group. They are having an ongoing “Self-righteous convention” at our expense. They are also doing to me what they accuse SG of doing to them.
Today they posted my blog but would not release me to comment to people who have mostly chewed me up and spit me out. I sent Steve Wells an email begging. On Wednesday he had the nerve to send me an ultimatum that I was required to answer to by 3:00! I had an appointment and didn’t even see his demand! How’s that for being fair?!? Yet my daughter can misconstrue the truth and she has full reign. He has literally tied my hands behind my back! Why don’t you write about it? It is a HUGE miscarriage of justice! I’m thankful that none of the haters are Jesus.
Also.. I am fused from T-10 to and including my SI joints. The doctor - in the last three surgeries in 2020 (I was in the hospital almost a month. 3 major surgeries totaling 28 hours all within 5 days) had to correct some work that other surgeons had done. I had been “fused” at L5/S1 in 2018. Something didn’t “feel right” and when this new doctor looked at only the x-rays he said immediately “you aren’t fused at L5/S1!” That’s why it felt awful and the pain for YEARS was indescribable! He had to break bone to create curvature in my back. I became what they refer to as “flat fused”. I could stand even 10 minutes before I was in complete muscle spasms.
Just thought I would throw this in the mix, because I am weary of the “beating of a very dead horse” in the other subject matter.
The reason we are fighting against the tide is not to minimize sin! We relented before God before we were ever confronted and everything ceased! Jesus told the guys who brought the adulterous woman to him, “any one of you who is without sin, go ahead and throw a stone at her.” You know the story, Tim. Jesus stood up and asked her, “woman where are your accusers?” Then the most glorious words came out of his mouth! They were laced with an abundance of grace and mercy! “Neither do I condemn you! Go and sin no more.” I love that so much! It was simple and to the point. BUT… I’m that group of people standing there there was one who was worthy to throw a stone that day, and … he knelt on the ground and wrote in the sand. Theologians have lost their minds trying to fight out what he wrote… I don’t think that was the point of his kneeling… I don’t think there was some mysterious grandiose meaning to his expression. He was moving his finger in the sand waiting for those men to respond! (There! The mystery is solved!) He knew that not a single one of those self righteous “Pat myself on the back” men would be able to do anything except put their stones down and walk away. So. Simple. Jesus cut to the chase. He didn’t stand there and lead a study group with those self righteous men. He didn’t blog about it either. He simply forgave her and told her to sin no more. No condemnation! We did what we were supposed to do. The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, HE is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Isn’t that such incredible good news? That means that whether or not you boys let this go has no bearing on the work that was done in our hearts and lives. It was done and finished. Period. God chooses to cast our sin in and remember it no more. This is what I want to do: move on. So, as my dad used to say when visitors were in our home and the hour was late, “Well, if you are sitting up with me I’m all better.” I’ll leave you with that. I’m all better, but if you guys want to continue to attempt to rub our noses in something and beat this horse until he is ground into the dirt, carry on! I just don’t wish to do that any longer. I have a life to sort out and a very good future. I have gathered the courage to move on from a bad marriage and I’m excited for the days ahead. I’ll leave you with one more word, just going to quote it a bit differently : He who began a good work in “Debi” is able to complete it.”
How is it that you can both “move on” when you cannot even be honest? You are both trying to make others look like the problem and you are both denying the truth: that the relationship went through all of October, into November, and continues even now.
You were having sexual contact up until you were confronted. This story of how the sexual nature of the relationship “was” limited and that it only happened briefly in September is entirely minimizing and false.
If you choose to ride off into the sunset with Brent, that is your choice. But you cannot act self righteous about it, persecuted for it, and unfairly affected by it. Neither of you can be transparently honest with the basics of the timeline alone, not to mention other things.
Also, it’s incredibly poor taste to speak badly of your husband who has remained by your side all of these years. Even if you feel you weren’t getting “enough attention” as you recently stated, it is deplorable to insinuate that you had a “bad marriage,” specifically relating it to the darkness of Hell. Anyone who stepped foot into it would objectively and logically conclude that it is worth working on, especially now that you are mostly sober and with all that has been invested.
You were an addict for most of the relationship. The baseline for concluding an unfixable marriage cannot be measured objectively or by yourself.
If anything, we thought your husband may one day step away from the marriage because of your addiction and cruelty. But he never did, and this is how you show him respect for that part of the commitment?
The man took care of you in ways no husband ever expects to take care of their wife, and he did it as God called him to. He was there. And yet you are self serving in a soap opera where you get to be a victim of some domestic hell hole.
Why? Because the true story does not suit the narrative you want to spin for the sake of Brent. Your husband has to be “horrible” in this version.
Even if the marriage would have come apart after the coming sobriety years, it would not have been because your husband is bad and you are being put through abuse. Totally absurd. You did not even provide him the courtesy of counseling now that you are sober.
There is an incredible difference between a self righteous, intoxicated person telling their spouse that they need counseling because the spouse is the problem and that they are not Christian enough (all of the time) vs a sober person coming to their spouse and genuinely asking for the time and space to work on their marriage that they have been mentally (at the very least) absent from for 18+ years.
I have not always been the biggest fan of your husband, but it’s not because he’s evil or hellacious. It is because he is passive and listens to you and does anything you tell him. He has been emasculated and verbally abused by you, and never did anything about it. He has been your whipping boy for many many years and that has been frustrating for all of us.
Part of us wanted him to gain control of you because you have been so out of control, and that was a misplaced expectation. There were a lot of misplaced frustrations, even things said out of turn because of our desire to see more intervention and because we were looking to place responsibility on someone else for the sake of just "fixing" you.
But you have been a bully, a jerk, a ticking time bomb, and he has not been able to stand his ground or fix what's broken in you.
Your children have, despite your behavior, wanted to see you become a changed person, a whole person, a person who is set free. At this moment you are even farther from that possibility.
I’m incredibly saddened and disappointed by what you have become through this, and what Brent has promoted you to be. If you had fought “against the tide” for your marriage as much as you have to protect yourself and Brent (at all costs), things would be entirely different at this moment.
You are given free will and can make the choice you want to make, but own every last detail of it in full without minimization, and then go about your business. You both brought the deceptive responses to the public which is why you are now accountable to this space. You have both sinned against your brothers and sisters through willful deception and in order to truly repent/change course, you both have to confess and correct. It’s that simple.
What you have allowed Brent to do and what you have also done to your children is different beast altogether.
He has no relationship with his children because of his actions and behaviors. Therefore, he has no problem with you walking towards estrangement as well. A wolf is most certainly an accurate description of this man whom we used to believe was benign.
It is not courage that you have gathered to "move on" from a "bad marriage". It is cowardice and unrepentance that is allowing you to justify the wicked sin of divorce all in the name of pursuing your own happiness. But it will only lead to more and more, and fearfully, eternal sorrow if you do not stop and truly repent.
And I suspect Brent will tell you, if he has the courage, that the passage you referred to should not be viewed as truly Scripture. That entire passage of the woman caught in adultery was added later, and it's why no pastor worth his salt would preach on it. I'm sure you do love it, because it allows you to turn your attention away from your own sin and onto your alleged accusers. But it shouldn't comfort you. Yes, forgiveness is found in Jesus, but not if it doesn't start with true repentance. You are not bearing the fruit that would be in keeping with true repentance, and that should terrify you.
If Brent has been blessed with the Holy Spirit and later did what he did, it is considered tampering and against the Holy Spirit and the result is more serious than anyone can think of.
This is the last I'm going to say about this. But Brent's response here tells us everything we need to know, but were hoping was not true.
He emailed me and showed some alleged text messages sent by Bekah and Andrew, pointing to them as examples of how cruel he was being treated.
The problem? Given what he has done, it is not his place to police how others express their anger about what he did.
Bekah and Andrew have every right to be PISSED at him. The husband has every right to be PISSED at him. Brent needs to take a seat and cope.
He refuses to acknowledge the harm he has done to the family. That is itself a major form of MINIMIZATION. It's also a form of DENIAL.
The ATTACKS on Bekah and Andrew are unconscionable and out of order. And he has painted himself as the victim and them as the offenders. (Reverse Victim and Offender)
That, friends, is the cycle of DARVO.
He complains about the husband's use of a camera to catch him in the act. But in doing so, he gave himself away: even he called it "infidelity".
The infidelities, however, are not nearly as telling as his denials and doubling down and other Image Repair responses.
I hope God will open his eyes and help him to gain appreciation for the impact of his actions.
He has confessed great sin; he refuses to acknowledge the manner in which he has harmed the family.
Many years ago, I read a book by Frank Peretti: The Oath.
What has unfolded here reminds me of some of the dynamics in that book.
A thousand times this. Maybe his silence (for once) indicates he's starting to get a sense of how horrendous his sin is. Let's pray that it's the case. hopefully it's not because he realizes he's only digging his grave deeper, no one believes him, and (again for once) has enough sense to shutup about it.
This was always my observation about the ways he would magnify even the slightest offense towards himself and minimize any of his own contributions to toxicity in SGM, many of which were his own creations. Brent, after all, was the author of the 50 fruits of pride, which was used to go after people when you were trying to confront them in many SGM contexts. This was at the core of what was unhealthy about SGM culture (combined with undertrained pastors and a culture that sought too much to emulate its leaders). But that's for another blog, not yours, lol.
It should have always been a red flag to anyone who spent 5 minutes on his website that this guy was obsessed with believing he was called to be the apostle of modern evangelicalism, calling down anathemas on any foe of his whom he was even marginally connected to. But this whole time, his own marriage was failing, his children had written him out of their lives (probably because he treats them the way he treats anyone who dares to confront him), he's jobless, and now he's a certified homewrecker. If he would have decided to mind his own damnable business instead of putting his nose wherever he could sniff out someone else's sin, maybe he would have had 15 years of profitable ministry and enjoyed his final years in the good graces of his family. But instead, the stench of his hypocrisy will be the legacy of his life's work.
Let's hope for the Kingdom's sake, we've heard the last of this guy.
I have not texted Brent, so this is quite interesting. And yes, all rights to be thoroughly pissed. We all have our own ways of coping with the frustrations or holding Brent accountable.
Anything that has been said or done is gracious by comparison to what most would have done if this was their family/mother/wife. At least that’s what people continue to tell me.
Thanks again for the article, Tim. Brent’s (and Jane’s) comments really add to the validity and enhance the piece in ways I’m sure you didn’t quite anticipate.
Brent, shut the hell up for everyone’s sake. You truly don’t realize how moronic and desperate you sound.
The Bill Clinton comparison is flattering at best. Bekah has not lied, we’ve confirmed that internally, and our obligation is to the truth not to you. As someone who sustains their self on taking from others, you sure feel owed a lot and by many.
You will be known by your fruits: your wife vacated the marriage, your kids unequivocally will have nothing to do with you, you are penniless, you are vacuous, you are riddled with the manifestations of your hubris, and you banged a married woman in the basement of her family home—with impudence and entitlement. When confronted, you weakly requested forgiveness (note this isn’t the same as apologizing) without owning or acknowledging the contents of your deviance. You said nothing more until you were (rightly) publicly called to account. Let me ask—if Bekah is of the devil, why did you even make a blog post? Do you cavort with and entertain the accusations of demons?
You’re a train wreck and the sad thing is, you were given an unbelievable number of opportunities to course-correct, to demonstrate true contrition. What have you done? A weak half-apology that scapegoats your behavior and leans on technicalities in a panicked attempt to protect your own self-righteousness?
You know what you come off as, you and Jane (who happens to be my mom)? A jerk. A jackass. A troutsniffer. An unrepentant gas bag full of hot air and masturbatory self-conceit. Go away, there’s no swindle, no coin, no succor to be had here. The damage is done, and your only tactic now is to make it worse. Be gone.
This is the first I'm hearing of this. It's sad. Thank you for your clear-headed, gracious, and honest look at this situation 🥺🙁
Even if some of the allegations being made about Brent’s conduct and character are not quite accurate, or even if some of those allegations are false, or even if some of those allegations are outright and malevolent lies, the main point is that Brent HAD been seen as and operating as a leader in survivor-advocacy Christian circles, and has now, by his own admission, committed sexual immorality. Brent has thus disqualified himself as being respected as a leader.
Such a man cannot be ‘above reproach’. He no longer merits the trust of the believers who had formerly respected him as a leader.
Brent, let’s just say, for the sake of the argument, that you ARE being slandered. You did not confess your sin of sexual immorality until others confronted you about it. That is a very black mark against your character. By alleging that others are slandering you, and by nitpicking about all the secondary details, you are only piling up more black marks against your character.
You claim to have been “focusing on your own heart” but that claim rings hollow while you simultaneously and repeatedly and vociferously allege that others are slandering you.
If indeed you ARE being unjustly persecuted or maligned, would it not be wiser for you to suffer the persecution quietly in this instance, at least for a good long while, and devote more attention to your own heart, not in a double-tongued way, but wholly and genuinely?
Please, for your own sake Brent, stop making allegations of slander. At this point in time, your allegations are doing you no good. They are in fact harming and delaying your rehabilitation as a brother in Christ.
You have very little ground to stand on, Brent, for your allegations of slander to be heeded by the community of Christians who used to respect you.
I hope Brent realizes his actions here have disqualified him and he doesn’t try and make a quick return to ministry like you see with so many others. Tullian Tchividjian is one example. CJ Mahaney should have been disqualified but wasn’t.
Excellent analysis from someone who,has been following the SGM saga for quite a while.
I think you may have missed a few points. First one additional reason Brent was in the situation he was in is that he apparently refused to seek any type of gainful employment after being forced out of Sovereign Grace in 2009 by CJ Mahaney (Brent claims he resigned.). His blogging/writing apparently never raised that much income but still he choose to not find a way to support him and his before they divorced. His wife even went to work while Brent stayed home and “blogged.”
Not having any money and perhaps having exempted out of Social Security put him in a position to have to live with this couple since he couldn’t afford housing. 15 years without any significant money coming is a long time.
The other point is that Brent was divorced before his ex-wife Jenny died. That is something he seemed to hide. Despite being divorced, Brent had no issues criticizing Josh and Shannon for divorcing.
I would also add that I had a lot of respect for Brent doing what he did with compiling the documents and addressing the sin he saw in Sovereign Grace and especially with Mahaney.
I am sure it was hard no longer being in such a high up position one day and then suddenly out of work. That would justify taking some time off but eventually one has to find a way to make a living.
I was quite saddened to read this report of Brent with another man's wife. Sad for that family as well as what this action will do to the credibility of the documents Brent compiled.
I remember around 10 or 15 years ago reading some of his accounts and sensing deep bitterness in Brent. I think it’s a warning to those who do report or correct others that if it cannot be done in a spirit of Galatians 6, “Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you also won’t be tempted.”
(Galatians 6:1) then maybe it’s best to let others share your message and to wait for a season when you are more healed and able to report the misconduct. I do believe Brent allowed a spirit of bitterness to fester and this is connected.
Thank you Tim. 👏 Your analysis of Brent’s statement is excellent.
I agree with your perspective on all this. And I share your feelings about it.
It’s abuse. It reveals he didn’t have the structures in place relationally, community wise, inner circle to deal with the very first temptations at the thought level. That means wasn’t there for all the decades prior.
Personally, I think that is one of the biggest problems with most of the evangelical world: leaders are not accountable. They talk a lot about accountability, but they use it for the peasants like us, not the Anointed Ones™️.
Thank you for the high-flight view of the issues. I was an SGM member in Florida for some 25 years and left when we were told to stop bringing the disabled new believers because they made people uncomfortable. I haven’t had the stomach to follow a lot of the SGM holocaust, but this latest thing with Brent… how grievously disappointing!
He helped forge our little group into a true SGM church, for all that meant, but I did hold him in respect. As an aging senior now, I think a big part of the problem way back when was a lack of mature men and women in leadership. They were all young, and that was a heady amount of power and money to handle without seasoned voices. The end of a thing tells you the real story, and I don’t think even Stephen King could have written this one. .
In a lot of those circles, they are young, full of zeal, and are sure of themselves in ways that are not healthy.
They are hubristic about their theology, all while they are also hubristic about their entitlement to power and leadership.
In the process, they foster a culture where profound abused can be chalked up to "strong, Godly leadership."
But most of these poseurs are happy with the trappings of Leadership ™️, but not the corresponding responsibilities.
Regarding his pastoral guest speaking position, it was with First Baptist Florala in Florala, Alabama, which can be confirmed. Brent was also wanting to start a men’s group in the church, and had wanted to lead it and collaborate with the Head Pastor, Pastor Chris. Unfortunately the affair and adultery put further ministry to a hault, pending confession, apology, and repentance to the church body. Brent has abandoned that church and has avoided that submission process, leaving the church body likely quite confused with his abrupt and unaddressed departure.
Wow....I've been in Florala. Small town, right on the FL-AL border (hence the name).
I've read your latest post (https://alanbrentdetwiler.com/statement-brent-detwiler-publicly-made-about-his-affair-and-my-response/), and the questions (https://alanbrentdetwiler.com/request-for-transparency-to-brent-detwiler-about-the-adultery-and-the-deception/). Those are valid. He owes straight answers.
Thank you again for covering this, and for your reflections. Very helpful to hear someone else mull over the combined material. I've added your article at the bottom of The Statement (https://alanbrentdetwiler.com/statement-brent-detwiler-publicly-made-about-his-affair-and-my-response/), calling it out as a reliable secondary source to read through and ponder.
You are a serial liar Bekah about countless accusations. And yet people like Tim believe you. You are the wolf in sheep's clothing. Seriously so. A true angel of light. One day I will write about you and document it and fully expose you. I have never seen anyone lie and deceive like you except for sexual predators I have exposed. Anyone who believes you is a fool. But like it says in Proverbs, people love to swallow the dainty morsels of slander you feed them. I know you well. I counseled you and T.J. in depth. You have serious physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual problems. That's one reason you are on psychotropic drugs and believe bizarre conspiracy theories. Your marriage is also a wreck. You know these things are true. You are the one who told me you needed long term professional help. Furthermore, you are a spiteful and resentful person. Up until the time I had to confront your husband T.J. for being a con artist, you fully supported my work. You even bought me a laptop computer. Of course, you leave this out of your article and rail on your mother for supporting me. Your cunning and hypocrisy are so very great. I will publish all the evidence in the future. For now let me address your paragraph above. First, I never wanted to "start a men's group in the church, and had wanted to lead it and collaborate with Head Pastor, Pastor Chris." People in the church were asking me to teach a Sunday school class or a doctrine course. I offered to do so in response to their requests. I contacted Chris but it didn't fit into his set program for the church. That was fine. By the way, I have lost all respect for Chris. He supported your stepfather in the committing of felonies when he videoed us and he also acted contrary to Matt 18:15. The first step was never followed. No one came to your mother in private nor to me. Instead he led a shock confrontation of your mother. I will write about this in the future also. Second, my sin was not against the church. I was not even a member. There was no need for confession to the church. Jane and my sin should have been covered since we repented in private. That is the teaching of Matt. 18:15-18. Only if someone is unrepentant do you tell the church but you don't care about the teaching of Christ and Scripture. You violate it at every turn. You are diabolos. The slanderer. Third, I knew I needed to immediately move out of the area. I found housing 90 minutes away from Florala, AL. I did not abandon the church. Another lie. Fourth, there was no submission process. Moreover, if I returned to the church I would have had to publicly rebuke Chris and Jeremy for their unconscionable behavior. They violated the clear teaching of Scripture and endorsed the committing of crimes. Further, they even knew your husband T.J. and a church member were outside and near the house ready with guns in case I went ballistic when confronted. How awful is that! How shameful. Instead, I immediately repented and sincerely asked for forgiveness. Lastly, you have deceived so many people and inspired them to hate. I sinned. I renounced it. You continue full throttle because the poison of asps is under your tongue like Paul says in Rom. 3. You really are the wolf who has infiltrated the blog world to devour me and present yourself as the heroine. But you do not fool the Lord Jesus Christ. He will deal with you. What you have done will not stand. I will not be responding your past and ongoing slanders now but I will in the future.
Brent, I could give a pretty detailed response, but I'm not going to do that here. Instead, I want to ask you a simple question. Here is the question...
Let's say that, instead of it being you, it was Mark Prater or C.J. Mahaney in this situation. What would you say?
I think we know the answer.
“You are a serial liar Bekah about countless accusations. And yet people like Tim believe you.”
So… you’ve decided that very intelligent people like Tim and countless others do not have the capacity or the commonality of discernment or common sense to be able to consider what I’ve shared, and hold that to the light so as to come to their own conclusion?
And, because that conclusion is not in favor of yourself, it is slanderous? Further, you also think that it’s acceptable to excuse yourself from accountabilities that you would certainly hold others to, and dare I say, in much harsher ways?
Where my stepfather allowed you to stay in the home 11 days after being exposed as an adulterer who was having relations with his wife, you want to say that he is the problem because he didn’t follow Matthew 18:15, according to you?
When Chris and Jeremy came to the house, they were so gracious, so kind and so careful with my mother and with you. The gentleness in the room could have put a child to sleep.
They were incredibly non confrontational, loving, calm, peaceful, and more. And yet you come to a public comment space and talk about how you would “publicly rebuke” them for their “unconscionable behavior.”
You are mad that you were caught in adultery and did not see it coming. You were upset that it didn't remain secret and unknown.
You were angry that the Pastor knew, and that he and Jeremy, and their authorities within the church organization expected you to come forward where you were attending, speaking, and yes, wanted to start a men’s group (according to church sources). You needed to be accountable and confess.
For the sake of (not) arguing about the “men’s group” specification, the fact that you were asked to “teach a Sunday school class or a doctrine course” by the congregation/members furthers the point that you most definitely should have gone back to that body and explained yourself to them, confessed, asked forgiveness, even if your plan was to move on.
It boils down to this: you had every intention of being an active participant, spoke, and were hoping for leadership capacity within that body of Christ and you just stopped showing up, before you moved out of my parents home.
Is your argument truly that you were not inducted as a member via a membership ceremony or class?
You were part of the church directory (according to Pastor Chris), and wanted to be removed from it after you were confronted. You did not attend church there for the next 2 Sundays following, and before you moved out of the home.
Brent, I have written about the laptop being gifted, I have written about your emails with my husband, I have shared everything as an open book. You are incredibly confused if you believe that we have done anything to “wrong” you. Isn't that like blaming the victims?
You have carried on with our mother even as she is still married and you will not turn away, even still. You continue to minimize and lash out, and the truth is that people can see and discern for themselves even just on your behavior alone, I believe.
Moving along, you did not counsel with TJ and I "in depth". We came to you about our mother, and you counseled and consulted with us in regards to her intervention. Also, in some of those meetings, we discussed some theological items or had side note conversations. You were not our marriage counselor nor did we come to you for any other defined matter besides our mother’s addiction and concerns we had about her mental health and behavioral health. And at the time, we appreciate the counsel (most of the time). We have not denied that.
I want to touch back to the laptop situation- there is no denying that we gifted you a laptop. Yours was very old, and I felt in my heart to do it. That does not mean that I was in full understanding of your work, or even knew you that well. But, I didn’t have to, it was done because I wanted to do it. You had just been at my parents home for 5 days when I purchased the laptop, in fact.
While I think everyone in today’s society experiences some form of stress or insecurity, it is quite ballsy to state that I have “serious physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual problems.” (Also, I’ve seen this line written elsewhere, so either you are the original writer or you are plagiarizing).
Actually, let me walk that back. I did survive (miraculously) stage 4 melanoma when I was 18 years old. I thank God every day for His hand on my life. See, God told me that I was going to be fine. My own mother didn't believe me and thought I was "crazy" for thinking so, but as it turns out, I was right. God was right. Physically flawed, yes (scars from surgery), spiritually problematic, certainly not.
However, you have taken advantage of a woman who has not even been a year off of an intense array of medications that have affected her and our family for almost 2 decades. Waltzing into the home as you did and being as entrenched as you have been cannot even provide you with a fraction of the knowledge we hold of that expansive and devastating time frame. And in terms of my own health in all accounts, you equally would have no idea.
All that you have been aware of is the love, dedication, sacrifice, and great lengths I have gone, now twice this year, to try and save my mother’s life. That’s not the work of a seriously malfunctioned person, I assure you.
I’m curious, though. What conspiracy theories are you referring to? (Also, another potentially plagiarized line.) I’d like to know, in all seriousness.
We come to a moment that I have to remind myself to remain polite about, even though my senses tell me it’s not the time for kindness. My marriage is not a wreck, and attacking that, like a rabid cat who has been backed into a corner, is not a good look.
Calling my husband a “con artist” is a brand new one. What exactly is that referring to?
For everyone’s reference, Con Artist: a swindler who exploits the confidence of his victim.
I don’t see how this pertains to my husband in any way. He was nothing but kind and generous towards you, and even as you were proverbially standing on his back, pushing his face into the dirt, he was courteous, respectful, humble, and tried to reconcile that version with what he wanted to see in you.
He did not give you a reaction that you were looking for when you were relentless in a circular correspondence with him. I’ve posted the review of these emails and also the emails themselves.
The characterization you have portrayed of my husband the night of the confrontation is quite an interesting one. He has his conceal and carry. A lot of people in our area have the same. He almost always has a gun on him. You also have a gun. What is the problem exactly?
No one wants to “devour” you, Brent, except for the enemy. It seems you have willfully allowed him to continue killing, stealing, and destroying you, not by anything I have written (which is true), but by your own actions and reactions before and since. You cannot blame anyone else; not my stepfather, Pastor Chris, Jeremy, my husband, the community, or myself for your actions and your reactions.
I'd advise you to simply become fully transparent, answer the questions that have been plainly laid out for you (https://alanbrentdetwiler.com/request-for-transparency-to-brent-detwiler-about-adultery-and-the-deception/), and you can put the work in towards regeneration and making things right with our family, your friends, followers, and the community who are all looking to you for the same transparency and response to my questions.
Attacking me, my family, the church you went to, or anyone who discerns in a way you don’t like is not the way to move forward.
"No one wants to “devour” you, Brent, except for the enemy. It seems you have willfully allowed him to continue killing, stealing, and destroying you, not by anything I have written (which is true), but by your own actions and reactions before and since. You cannot blame anyone else; not my stepfather, Pastor Chris, Jeremy, my husband, the community, or myself for your actions and your reactions."
Well said.
I’ll finish up what I was saying. It isn’t visible for some reason!
The problem with your blog is that you don’t have 95% of documentation to back up your claims. None! It’s just your “musings” about Brent and myselfu. SO. MUCH. WRONG!! We have NEVER minimized our sin and what we did. We dealt with it, repented, and asked forgiveness. And, despite what you “think” we have ceased ANY kind of physical relationship. Quite frankly I don’t give a HOOT about people like Steve Wells and “what they think” and how they take apart our repentance! The “We Stand” group who alludes to being traumatized by Sovereign Grace … is responding just like Sovereign Grace’ites!! Their judging knows no bounds. The “additions” to your blog are literally filled with misrepresentations! I’m fixing to share just one out of MANY!! Go ahead and enjoy your notoriety right now… your “glory days”, because you ARE going to be taken down for the many misrepresentations and lies. We do NOT need to ask your forgiveness! Neither Brent nor myself transgressed against YOU!! You are an (almost) 43 year old woman with a lot of time on your hands.
As far as Brent staying a few extra days..? Ernie TOLD him that he could! The very next day he began to look for a place to go! The day after that he started packing his things! But, you wouldn’t know this, because you do not live with us. You didn’t even come around for 8 months. Didn’t step foot on our property that entire time. And, yet… you “assume” so much. You know what I’ve already said about “assuming”. Taking that analogy you make an a** of your yourself over and over and over again.
Here is just one example of misrepresentation in your blog:
You state that “Brent asked us to go on a trip with him…” That is a lie. I have a copy of the email that he sent to you and I’m going to copy and paste it right here right now:
This is what you said on your timeline:
February 18, 2024
My siblings and I received an email from Brent telling us that he would like to go out of town on a trip with us sometime. A little bit... weird, but we were of course polite and I had replied, "Yeah, totally!"
And, this are the emails:
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Saturday, February 17, 2024 6:27 PM
To: Fulmer Bekah; Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Out on Town
I’d enjoy going out on the town some time with you all and Rachel if that is possible.
From: Rebekah Wagner
Sent: Sunday, February 18, 2024 11:00 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Re: Out on Town
Yeah, totally!
If you didn’t understand what Brent was saying then why didn’t you ask why he wanted you to go out of town? But I don’t think that’s what it was at all. I think that once again you were trying to mislead people on your blog.
Bekah, you have plenty of things on your own home front that you need to be focused on right now. You are about to be 43 years old in January and TJ just turned 30 in June. These differences present a very big picture where the national average for marriage - where there is this much of an age difference and the wife is the older - are not that good. You do have issues in your marriage. Most of us have witnessed those issues when you are around us in public. And some of them are quite concerning, so put your focus where it needs to be right now and that is on you and TJ. Do the work in your own home or as scripture says, “Remove the log from your own eye before you try to remove the splinters from the eyes of others”.
Well, first of all Brent and I are NOT “carrying on”! You know what they say about people who assume things? They make an “ass of u & me”… “assume”. You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. You sit around and “conjure” ideas and innuendoes and sit behind a keyboard and do all that you can to destroy, slander and lie about two people. You can 100% be sued for libel. AND, Ernie told you to stop! He told you to take your “BS” off of the internet. He told you that if anyone has the right to say anything it would be him, but he is not going to do that, because he FORGAVE Brent when Brent apologized to Ernie. It doesn’t matter what you think - whether the confession and apology were sincere. This was between Ernie and I, and Ernie and Brent. Ernie is fine with Brent’s apology. Ernie, Brent and I have moved on! YOU are the one sticking your nose where it has never belonged.
The problem with your blog is that you don’t have 95% of documentation to back up your claims. None! It’s just your “musings” about Brent and myself. SO. MUCH. WRONG. We have NEVER minimized our sin and what we did. We dealt with it, repented, and asked forgiveness. And, despite what you “think” we have ceased ANY kind of physical relationship. Quite frankly I don’t give a HOOT about people who have dissected and taken apart - for instance Brent’s public confession. I don’t care “what they think” and how they take apart our repentance! The “We Stand” group who alludes to being traumatized by Sovereign Grace … is responding just like Sovereign Grace’ites!! Their judging knows no bounds. The “additions” to your blog are literally filled with misrepresentations! I’m fixing to share just one out of MANY!! Go ahead and enjoy your notoriety right now… your “glory days”, because you ARE going to be taken down for the many misrepresentations and lies. We do NOT need to ask your forgiveness! Neither Brent nor myself transgressed against YOU!! You are an (almost) 43 year old woman with a lot of time on your hands.
As far as Brent staying a few extra days..? Ernie TOLD him that he could! Whether you would do this or not makes no difference! The very next day he began to look for a place to go! The day after that he started packing his things! But, you wouldn’t know this, because you do not live with us. You didn’t even come around for 8 months. Didn’t step foot on our property that entire time. And, yet… you “assume” and appear to know so much. You know what I’ve already said about “assuming”.
Here is just one example of misrepresentation in your blog:
You state that “Brent asked us to go on a trip with him…” That is a lie. I have a copy of the email that he sent to you and I’m going to copy and paste it right here right now:
Your “timeline” comment first:
February 18, 2024
My siblings and I received an email from Brent telling us that he would like to go out of town on a trip with us sometime. A little bit... weird, but we were of course polite and I had replied, "Yeah, totally!"
The actual email that Brent sent to you:
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Saturday, February 17, 2024 6:27 PM
To: Fulmer Bekah; Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Out on Town
I’d enjoy going out on the town some time with you all and Rachel if that is possible.
Your response:
From: Rebekah Wagner
Sent: Sunday, February 18, 2024 11:00 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Re: Out on Town
Yeah, totally!
He NEVER asked you guys to “go out of town” with him. He asked you to go “OUT on the town”! You know what this means, too: Go out to dinner and/or a fun event in the process. But, posting misleading comments about the both of us has been your mission, and
this is one of SO MANY that you have misspoken about! One of SO many!
And, anyone reading this right now especially those who have interacted with Brent over the years… he is a truthful person and he keeps copious notes and emails. When he writes about someone he always provides documentation to back up his claims. Bekah has provided NO BACKUP! And, for someone who comes across as having all of the answers you need to ask yourselves, “where is the documentation to back up her claims?” Where is an email trail. They don’t exist, because what she has written and claimed to know are half truths at best but primarily lies.
Guys, Bekah is a smart person and that can be the most dangerous kind of person. She is smart enough to pull you into her story, gain your sympathy and ultimately your trust. And, as a result, she has lied and slandered her own mom, calling me an “undiagnosed pathological liar”… horrible horrible things. I am quite certain Brent dealt with his sin, sought forgiveness from God and my husband, so there was no need for her to do what she has done, except it is pure spite!
Bekah, I want to address you yet again. I do not think the Lord is pleased with what you have done. You have attempted to ruin a good man who has done so much good for sexually abused victims, as well as brought SG to its knees, and rightfully so. You have worked very hard to ruin his reputation and your motives are sinful ones. When, what you should be doing is working on your marriage. You are about to be 43 years old and your husband turned 30 this past year, and that is going to require a lot of work to beat the odds yourself of divorce. Sadly, most marriages with this type of age gap fail. So, get off of your high and mighty soapbox and get back to doing the things that should matter more to you than anything else in this world: you and TJ. Invest your time and energy into your own marriage! I have seen a lot of the issues and have been quite concerned at times. TJ is supposed to lead in the home. He told Brent that he is more concerned with “just doing“what the spirit tells me to do” (if you want there is an email for this comment), but we can’t trust what is in our hearts. That’s why we trust and cling to the inerrant and infallible Word of the Living God. I hope that you will - for your own sake - take this advice and straighten out your priorities. Go ahead and remove the log from your own eye before digging the splinter out of mine.
Before I read all of this, I want to say that you are entirely correct about the email pertaining to the "trip." I misread that email as saying, "going out of town" rather than "going out on the town."
Brent did however speak directly with my husband and I at Chick Fil A, while we sat in the truck, about wanting to go away on a trip with us sometime. But regardless, I will update that notation in The Timeline. That was an error on my part.
Regarding the remainder of this comment, you sound like Brent and need to take a breath. Doing what the Holy Spirit tells us to do is precisely the right way to live. This is not about your "sins" at face value as much as it is about the deception, the minimization, the lashing out, and the poor handling of yourselves.
Secondly, your husband never told us to "stop" telling the truth. How absurd. He has never told us to "take it down" either. No one has except for yourself.
Lastly, is Brent not answering the questions that have been prepared for him in good faith and for full transparency?
In closing, do not disparage the SGM Survivors group on Facebook. You came into that group as yourself, and with two newly made alias accounts to lie about your history with Brent and Jenny Detwiler, and to state that you did not believe Brent could/would have an affair. You were called out on these lies and refused to acknowledge them when the Admins asked you to.
I implore you to get off of the internet and collect yourself.
I’ll finish the rest:
The problem with your blog is that you don’t have 95% of documentation to back up your claims. None! It’s just your “musings” about Brent and myselfu. SO. MUCH. WRONG!! We have NEVER minimized our sin and what we did. We dealt with it, repented, and asked forgiveness. And, despite what you “think” we have ceased ANY kind of physical relationship. Quite frankly I don’t give a HOOT about people like Steve Wells and “what they think” and how they take apart our repentance! The “We Stand” group who alludes to being traumatized by Sovereign Grace … is responding just like Sovereign Grace’ites!! Their judging knows no bounds. The “additions” to your blog are literally filled with misrepresentations! I’m fixing to share just one out of MANY!! Go ahead and enjoy your notoriety right now… your “glory days”, because you ARE going to be taken down for the many misrepresentations and lies. We do NOT need to ask your forgiveness! Neither Brent nor myself transgressed against YOU!! You are an (almost) 43 year old woman with a lot of time on your hands.
As far as Brent staying a few extra days..? Ernie TOLD him that he could! The very next day he began to look for a place to go! The day after that he started packing his things! But, you wouldn’t know this, because you do not live with us. You didn’t even come around for 8 months. Didn’t step foot on our property that entire time. And, yet… you “assume” so much. You know what I’ve already said about “assuming”. Taking that analogy you make an a** of your yourself over and over and over again.
Here is just one example of misrepresentation in your blog:
You state that “Brent asked us to go on a trip with him…” That is a lie. I have a copy of the email that he sent to you and I’m going to copy and paste it right here right now:
February 18, 2024
My siblings and I received an email from Brent telling us that he would like to go out of town on a trip with us sometime. A little bit... weird, but we were of course polite and I had replied, "Yeah, totally!"
What Brent actually said - email documents this:
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Saturday, February 17, 2024 6:27 PM
To: Fulmer Bekah; Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Out on Town
I’d enjoy going out on the town some time with you all and Rachel if that is possible.
From: Rebekah Wagner
Sent: Sunday, February 18, 2024 11:00 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Fulmer T.J.; Wagner Andrew
Subject: Re: Out on Town
Yeah, totally!
If you thought he wanted to go out of town with you why didn’t you ask what he meant?
Bekah, you have a lot that you need to be focused on right now: Your own marriage and home life. You are about to be 43 years old and TJ turned 30 this past June. The national odds for a marriage of this kind of age difference especially when the wife is the older
As someone who has no skin in this game, it's amazing to me to see that "Jane" and Brent are so fired up about all these ways that people are sinning against them...but their adulterous affair was just like this tiny little oversight between two otherwise perfectly virtuous lovers of God.
No otherwise virtuous people "simply" have an affair. Your hearts were far from the Lord long before you started physically cheating on your husband in his own home. With Brent I suspect it's all of his self-righteousness that drove his ex wife and his children from him. He's a bitter, broken man, everyone one whose been to his website knows that off the bat. Brent, your own lovely wife divorced you and your kids are alienated from you. It's unfortunate Jenny isn't here to tell us the whole story there. None of the Lord's discipline on your life has led you to meaningful self-reflection. And now he has turned you over to your own desires, so much so that there is no real repentance, just a performative "I said I'm sorry now you have to shut up about it". Real repentance would be demonstrated by your willingness to bear the blows of those whom you have hurt so much by your wickedness. Yes you sinned again Ernie, but you also grievously hurt Bekah and their families too. You are splitting up a marriage. Whatever the state of it prior to your involvement, YOU Brent are the homewrecker, the proximate cause of their divorce. If you had the Holy Spirit indwelling you, you wouldn't lash out like you are. You are demonstrating apostasy just as much as Josh Harris has. Any church should excommunicate you in hopes that you come to your senses and experience genuine repentance.
Watching a mother attack her daughter like this is just utterly tragic. As a parent who has endured many false accusations from their children, I may defend myself and seek to correct the record but I could NEVER imagine trying to belittle them publicly for all to see, sharing all of their past sins in an effort to shame them. Jane, you look petty and little and utterly unrepentant and unashamed of your wicked behavior.
Yes, it's clear that Bekah is really really angry at Brent because he is a homewrecker. Yes she's said things that she should probably repent of herself. But all that Brent and Jane care about is their own reputations, which is why both Brent and Jane attacked Bekah's character rather than just grieving over and over for their own wickendness.
Brent you are reaping what you've sown. You own life has been destroyed. Financial ruin. Your wife divorced you (disqualifying you from ministry anyway). Your children have distanced themselves from you. You are left to begging for housing. And now you have shown how bankrupt your heart has become by worming your way into the heart of a weak willed woman and bringing down a struggling marriage. You have become worse than anything you've accused CJ or the multitudes of other men you've pretended to be a prophetic voice too.
Everything you've ever written should be called into question. You were never the virtuous man you pretended to be, and now the whole world knows it. Everyone, it appears, except for yourself and Jane.
I have no firsthand knowledge of the details of Brent's backstory, so to this point I was willing to give him the benefit of a doubt on that part.
What IS concerning is that he and "Jane" have taken to a tactic that is known in crisis communication circles as DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
That Brent and "Jane" have mounted a frontal attack against Bekah is quite telling. The denials amount to Bill Clinton-style minimization.
As I said, if this were any Sovereign Grace leader--Josh Harris, C.J. Mahaney, Mark Prater--Brent would be calling down everything short of imprecatory Psalms on them. But because HE is the one in the hot seat, it's minimization and DARVO.
Not knowing the details of his backstory, keying solely on the use of Image Repair, it tells me he's got a serious problem. And when I key on Image Repair, it gives these guys away 100% of the time.
Brent needs to sit down and engage in some honest contemplative introspection with respect to the Scriptures. His response is nothing close to the humility that we see in the King David of Psalm 51.
This isn't about fitness for ministry anymore; that's not on the table. This is about something far more important.
The last part:
Put your focus in your own home. Family have been around the two of you and we have all seen kinks in the armor so to speak! This should be your focus. Or as scripture says, “Get the log out of your own eye, before you attack the splinters in the eyes of others.
Also, my stepfather didn’t commit any crime. However you have. Adultery is a crime in the state of FL. Her husband had every right under Florida law to put up cameras anywhere in the home (and I mean, anywhere) to document the affair and/or any crimes. Stop accusing him of committing a felony as it’s not true in the least. We received legal and professional information on the topic beforehand and since.
Then Ernie lied to me. He told me exactly what I told you.
Brent, if you cannot see yourself as a wolf here who wormed your way into the heart of a weak willed woman, you have not truly repented because you haven't seen just how serious your sin is. You proclaim you are sinless in regards to the family. You are every bit as blind as you claim CJ and all the others were.
It doesn't matter that you may not have engaged in intercourse with this married woman. You engaged in sexualized activity with her while she was married. Whatever the details, you did things with a man's wife that only he should be doing, In his very home while he was upstairs (and some of the time downstairs watching you). Then you sounded off about how sinful he was in recording your sin and not confronting you according the pattern you demand.
You have refused to acknowledge it for what it is -- adultery. You have broken up their marriage. You have shattered a family. Brent, YOU ARE THE MAN.
Literally everyone on the internet can see it but you. You are blind. You are hard hearted, and were you actively a member of a Bible-believing church, you would be excommunicated.
But I'm guessing you are not a member anywhere, and so you are able to avoid accountability and discipline that you demand of others. You are a hypocrite and a Pharisee.
Josh! I’m being portrayed as a “weak willed” woman. That could not be further from the truth! I was complicit in what we did. And even before I say what I’m fixing to say - the haters will come after me for this. Nevertheless …. As far as the law and even as far as the “Commandment” we didn’t commit adultery. The hidden camera was in the family room where we watched tv. We didn’t “lay down”… none of that! According to Matthew 18, my husband should have come hurt to us FIRST and confronted us. No other people involved at that point. Brent did repent and ask forgiveness of my husband, but by then the show was over anyway. Brent told me he was pulling back from a physical relationship, because it was not appropriate! I agreed with his request. We had already repented before God and if my husband had confronted us himself it would have been just like I said it would be. BUT, if Brent had been arrogant, unwilling to admit the sin then you call in one or two people and if he STILL refuse to repent then it goes public! This has all been wrong from thday getgo. The “We Stand” FB page has bought into an erroneous blog.
My blog was posted and admin won’t allow me to even comment on my own blog. But my daughter has full reign.
Anyway I want people to STOP referring to me as a weak woman who didn’t know what she was doing. I did know and it is over. Also, someone needs to ask my daughter if she has seen the video. According to my husband no one has seen them. SO she is assuming a whole lot. Everybody is!
Again, I’m still so curious what you and Mr. Detwiler’s working definition of adultery is, if it does not include, “limited, but serious, sexual activity.”
If my husband did any serious, sexual activity, with another woman, no matter how “limited” I would consider it adultery. As my working definition of adultery would be any form of sexual intimacy with someone who is married to someone else. If he tried to tell me it wasn’t adultery because kissing etc happened “sitting up” instead of “lying down” …I think I would start laughing at him because that is so absurd, the mental gymnastics, to avoid taking complete ownership of the quagmire you both find yourself in, is simply quite stunning.
It’s also quite curious, to me, that you two are so upset and self-righteously angry about this going public, when the fact is the only reason this went public is because Mr. Detwiler presents himself as a very public person who works to “expose” teachers and leaders for not “being above reproach,” and then presents himself as a teacher, preacher, and leader (his own words on his website). By his own standards he should have come out and confessed publicly, on his own, to the people who have trusted him, without prompting, because this is per his standard disqualifies him from the position he placed himself in, as he is no longer without reproach.
Then why is it that when we had the confrontation on November 7, you began by immediately denying that anything had been going on with yourself and Brent? You only became annoyed and relented to the truth when your husband advised you that there was evidence to the contrary.
Why each and every time leading up to the confrontation, did you repeatedly deny that anything had been going on with yourself and Brent? Why would you become angry with your husband when he inquired about this privately? You had every opportunity to be truthful in private with your husband before he came with biblical assistance.
Why when Brent supposedly decided to pull away from the physical relationship, did he not also go to your husband and confess? Why did he retreat to the 5th Wheel the night that he was to be confronted? There are a lot of questions and a lot of opportunity for you both to have been honest in private with your husband before November 7. You both chose to continue to deceive with no intention of confession or apology.
Brent needs to stop making excuses and blaming everyone else for what has transpired and he also needs to stop using you as his toy soldier on the front line of this.
Meant to post here*
Also stop lying/excusing via what you both believe is a technicality, because there is not one to be claimed.
“In Florida, adultery is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their spouse.”
“In Florida, intercourse is defined as sexual contact that occurs without force or threat of force. This includes any sexual activity, such as oral, anal, or vaginal penetration, or lewd sexual gestures.”
In Florida, “Sexual activity" means "vaginal, anal, or oral penetration by a sexual organ or by another object. It also includes fondling of the breasts, buttocks, inner thighs, groin, or genital area."
“Proof in Florida
To impact a divorce case, adultery must be proven by clear and convincing evidence. This can include: •
• Eyewitness testimony
• Photographs or videos
• Emails, text messages, or other electronic communications
• Hotel or credit card receipts
• Admission”
Now… will you both stop lying and be completely transparent? Does it need to be further spelled out?
Jane, Weak willed woman is what the Bible calls you, not just what I call you, and Brent knows full well that's true. It does not matter that you initiated it. He willingly and lustfully participated. Remember the garden? Eve may have initiated the temptation with the fruit, but Adam was held responsible and at the very least Brent is equally liable. You are not called weak willed by the Bible because you were seduced but because as the weaker vessel (again, the Bible's words, not mine), Brent took advantage. Brent knows full well what this means and unless he's also renouncing his complimentarianism, he knows he can't wiggle out of that culpability even as he cowardly let you take the fall. He clearly wormed his way into your home, entrenched himself in your and your husband's daily lives, allowed himself to be used as a surrogate husband (his words), spent time with you one on one, and allowed all the one on one time to lead to flirtation which led to an emotional affair that quickly turned to a physical affair. Even if he'd never touched you, he was sinning actively, unrepentantly, and in an ongoing manner against you, against your husband, against your family, and against the Lord.
Your daughter has shown you the Florida statute which plainly shows you and Brent engaged in the legal definition of adultery, and the biblical definition is even lower than that. You are adulterers, plain and simple, and you have no moral right to complain about the way your wickedness has been uncovered and discussed. You and Brent have brought this on yourselves, and your repentance has been found wanting by everyone who has heard you describe it.
You are continuing to at least continue the emotional affair, biding your time until you can be divorced to pursue something with Brent, and Brent continues to allow it. This is continued wickedness and demonstrates only earthly regret that you were discovered not godly repentance. If you were both truly repentant you would agree to never see or speak to each other again and to do whatever you could to restore your marriage covenant that you have broken.
Tim, I want to share another observation. My daughter seems to “know” all about the video, what actually transpired, yet my husband has told me that no one has seen the video except for him. Her blog description(s) would only be conjecture… she literally has no idea! Yet, talks a good talk. Hey Tim, will you pls tell Steve how awful he is to share MY blog and not “allow” me to even answer to the accusations!! My daughter has been able to have full reign over hers. I think I know why… mine isn’t the fodder that they want! OH! While you are at it you may want to share that gossip is a sin! They are doing plenty of that!
One more thing and this is for Marquez Renee…Brent and I have NEVER lain together. I’m sorry your husband cheated on you, but pls don’t use transference as a way to let out your anger. Brent and I have never had intercourse. Period!!
Thx Tim… in advance for telling the admin over there to “DO THE RIGHT THING!” The biggest carriage of justice, and they claim to be “Christians”!
Jane I told you to contact me on FB Messenger on Tuesday evening and so far you haven’t done that. Also realize I am only 1 of 4 moderators of the Sovereign Grace Survivor Facebook group. Don’t act as if I am the only controlling the group. We typically discuss most actions.
The moderators are going to want answers about some of your contradictory posts before we allow you to comment again.
Also, please don’t try the old age worn “gossip” card to try and use that to shutdown exposure.
I don’t know HOW to contact you, Steve! I responded to your email as such. The group has no option for Messenger on their page like individuals do. If you tell me HOW to get with you I sure will! Let me know.
Jane
Facebook allows you to send messages to other Facebook members using Facebook Messenger. This has nothing to do specifically with the Sovereign Grace Facebook group. I have sent you a few messages myself using Facebook Messenger with no response.
I take it Brent gave you my email address?
I had no other way of contacting you and to date I haven’t seen any messages come through Messenger on my account.
Jane,
If you aren’t friends with Steve on your Jane account they might be under message requests, which is in a different area than where messages from people you know show up.
You continue to lie and deceive! I did not commit adultery! I broke no laws but your stepfather did. Charges could be brought against him. It is against the law to video infidelity in Florida. It is a felony. But the truth means nothing to you. You know that to be the case. The legal counsel he received was bogus. Just read the statutes in Florida.
And of course, there is no evidence of adultery or sexual intercourse. None. Why? Because it did not happened but you take great joy in making up such a lie and spreading it to your undiscerning followers. They in turn pass on your lies. It is vicious. And it is despicable.
You are a slanderer! You love to lie like the father of lies - the devil. The truth is not in you. So continue your slander and hateful endeavors to lead people astray. But no one should believe anything you say and you never back up what you say with evidence. You just make accusations. There is no documentation. But I do have all the documentation to prove you a vicious liar.
I have not done that because I have been focused on my own heart while you and other people have been brutally slandering your mother and I that last two weeks. But you definitely need to be opposed and exposed with the truth.
You can't even get the day of the crisis intervention with your mom right on your timeline. You have Feb. 19. It was Feb. 17. Of course, you will correct it now. But this is the kind of shoddy information you propagate. There are scores, if not hundreds, of examples like this.
But far worse is the way you flat out lie. For example, your husband didn't just happen to be carrying a weapon the night we were confronted on Nov. 6. Your stepfather asked your husband (his nephew) to be ready to shoot me if I got violent. What? That night your mother feared for her life. She still does.
A couple weeks ago, he told your mother he wished he had killed her and me while he was yelling and giving her the finger. Yet he told Chris, the pastor, that he was interesting in saving the marriage. That was a bold faced lie to look good. He has had no interest in the marriage for years. He refused every appeal by your mother to get help and work on their marriage. Instead, he deserted her in body, heart, and soul. He even left her to die for which he has never asked forgiveness. Now, those are the facts!
This is my last comment. Continue to spew the venom of hell on this and other blogs. But as I said before, the Lord Jesus Christ is taking account of every wicked word and he will bring you into judgement as He teaches in Holy Scripture.
Brent, I'm not trying to be mean or vindictive. I really want good for you.
But we have a problem: there's a large elephant in the room. And that elephant is crapping all over the carpet.
You know what that "elephant" is? You (and by extension "Jane") are telling on yourself, the same way Ravi Zacharias told on himself.
Your failings are nowhere near those of the late Ravi. But your use of Image Repair--especially full-on DARVO and various forms of MINIMIZATION, it gives you away.
Why is that an elephant? You're the only one in the room who refuses to acknowledge it.
Genuinely curious Mr. Detwiler, what you consider the definition of adultery?
Are you using the Merriam-Webster? Oxford Dictionary? Dictionary.com? Wikipedia? It doesn’t sound like you’re using the Bible, but maybe there’s a chapter and verse I’m not thinking of, you’re the self professed teacher, preacher, and leader.
Let me tell you, my definition of adultery would be any form of sexual intimacy with someone who is married to someone else, which you clearly admitted to with the sentence, “We began to relate in limited, but serious, sexual activity,” at BrentDetwiler.com
And I’m know you’re aware of Jesus’s definition of adultery…having listened to your preaching and teaching as a teenager on purity. So to me your stance here and in other places insisting you didn’t commit adultery while admitting to “limited, but serious, sexual activity,” whew, the mental gymnastics and potential self deception you seem to be exhibiting here—is stunning and really fascinates me, truly.
So again, genuinely curious here. What is your definition of adultery?
And other questions, do you think an affair and adultery are different? That adultery and infidelity are different? That only specific sexual activities qualify as adultery?
The “family” version that you received was from my daughter. She is fixing to turn 43, does not live with us, and 8 out of the 12 months that Brent lived with us she didn’t set foot on our property. I am “Jane” and have spoken in a blog about the truth. We Stand With SG Survivors refused to post my blog and banned me. First, under my real name and then under the name Jane.
Here is the true account of the 12 months that Brent lived with us. I created the alias of “Jane” so that I could monitor the site. My blog doesn’t fit the narrative they wanted to portray. This is the truth about what went on in my home. Brent repented for sinning against my husband, and my husband forgave him. Incidentally, my husband told my daughter to take down her blog! Brent was nothing but humble and gracious while living in our home. The inappropriate intimacy took place for about a 4 week span at the end of the time he lived with us. Other than that we were platonic friends and he was always above board around me. He is most certainly not a sexual predator!! I’m the one who initiated what happened, but read my blog.
https://janespeaksaboutbrentdetwiler.blog/
Jane, I've read your blog.
I'm not buying it, and here's why...
(1) I'm not saying that Brent is a sexual predator; I'm saying that he got lonely and stupid and, even though he did not set out to do harm, has done great harm. He needs to own that. What you have communicated in your own blog is evidence that he has done great harm.
(2) This has nothing to do with who initiated what. Even if you barged into his bedroom naked and jumped on him, it's still on him to be the man of God and make it a teachable moment. One who aspires to that kind of leadership needs to be a cut above the rest of us. That's what "above reproach" is all about.
(3) I never found fault with any of his exposes or critiques of Sovereign Grace culture. That's not the issue here. On that front, he has done a great service. I do have my questions as to what his role was in creating that culture, and how much of that he has taken ownership of.
(4) Brent needs to answer for Brent. He's the man; it's on him to answer for himself.
At this point, Brent needs to accept that he is no longer qualified to be a minister. Whether he sees this as a mere "inappropriate relationship", or whether this was a case of clergy sexual abuse--as many of the rest of us maintain--it's a moot point: he has disqualified himself, as he is no longer "above reproach", and it is likely prohibitively difficult, based on his offenses, to become "above reproach".
I say this not out of any personal animus against Brent. I find his case to be a very sad and depressing one.
I actually wrote the blog on my own not to take up an offense for Brent! But, to take up an offense towards the slander that was aimed at me. It was wrong. I wanted to tell the real story of how Brent responded while living in our home. Nothing inappropriate happened until @mid September. All of the rest of that time everything was above board.
I’m sure that you know the story of David and Bathsheba… in your world - and if he were alive today - you would condemn him for any type of ministry as well, and yet he was a man after God’s own heart! There was also Rahab the Harlot… did you know that she was included in the “generational line” of which Jesus would descend? The Lord is in the habit of using washed up, sinful has beens! His grace knows no limits. There are so many more examples in the Bible too many to name. Our God is the Lord of second chances… and 50 chances … and a billion chances! I wouldn’t count him out just yet. 🙂
What I shared in my blog is indeed true. The good the bad and the ugly. He apologized to my husband and my husband forgave him. I also apologized and my husband “said” he forgave me. There are two distinct sides to my husband and myself. He is yet to apologize for leaving me in a heap on the floor with a BP of 44/22. If not for the paramedic I would have died. He has also told me that he quit loving me after my last three surgeries … burned out on being a care giver… so there is more in this story than myself and Brent. It was “the perfect storm” for our home.
I’m curious … if you were in bed and a pretty naked woman walked in and got on top of you would you use that as a “teachable moment”? That didn’t happen in our case. We did not have intercourse … ever. I dare say that MOST men would not react like that unless they were gay. We (who are in Christ) are all a bunch of sinful imperfect people living on a sinful imperfect planet serving an awesome Savior.
I stand 100% behind Ang by my blog. I agonized over writing it, but the truth needed to prevail and it really did.
God Bless You, Sir!
I recently wrote an opinion piece for The Roys Report, regarding comparisons of fallen ministers with King David. Here it is: https://julieroys.com/your-pastor-is-not-king-david/
"I’m curious … if you were in bed and a pretty naked woman walked in and got on top of you would you use that as a “teachable moment”?"
Yes. And there is no way anyone other than my wife would want to be in that bedroom. 😂
Look, I'm sorry for what you've been through. Really, I am. As someone who struggles with chronic back issues--I have blown disks from my neck to S5, it's why my running days are over--I totally empathize. And while I have not had painkiller addiction issues--only because I have stayed off them intentionally--I feel awful for anyone caught in the web of that. I know folks who have struggled with them. In my state, opioid deaths are substantial.
I also feel terrible for the way your relationship with your husband has cratered. While we ideally hope for husbands and wives to resolve their issues as Christians, it is documented fact that, like any other demographic group, Christians are not immune to having bad marriages.
And I can see where someone like Brent would have been attractive to you in a situation like that. He got lonely and stupid, and you probably experienced a phenomenon that counselors would call transference. When that happens, it's important for the counselor--or pastor--to acknowledge where there may be an attraction that has materialized. (Being attracted is not a sin.) It's on him to redirect certain actions and even set boundaries; it's called being honest about what you are experiencing. But if you get lonely and stupid--which is likely what happened to Brent--you can end up accepting risks that you would never advise for anyone else.
The problem? When you're a pastor and you cross that line, it becomes disqualifying. Why? 1 Timothy 3 has specific requirements for deacons and elders (i.e. pastors). They need to be a cut above the rest.
Moreover, he needs to face the music within the church body. The Steve Lawson defense doesn't cut it here.
If this were any Sovereign Grace leader--or adjacent--I know Brent would be calling them to account a lot harder than I am calling him here. I know this because he has done exactly that.
I'd say Brent has a unique opportunity here: he can do what the other Sovereign Grace folks refuse to do: acknowledge the damage that has been done, accept full responsibility for the outcomes, and accept the implications of his actions on any future qualification.
Tim, first of all I do have a sense of humor. Things began to break in my marriage long before Brent arrived on the scene. And, when the intervention happened my husband was not invited nor could he come over to tell me good bye. The kids didn’t trust him. It is funny to me how all of a sudden my daughter acts like he walks on water. The night he left me in a heap on the floor of our bedroom and walked out.. she hated him. Her assessment about our marriage and that we “wouldn’t be divorcing if Brent hadn’t of been there” is conjecture and it is a lie. I knew after my 2020 surgeries that we were losing it. I begged him to go to counseling and he did not want to and blew me off. SO here we are. I blame him in a lot of ways for how this is going down. He withheld affection from me and basically abandoned the marriage. I honestly cannot remember if I said this or not, but he just got to where he didn’t wanna go watch a movie he didn’t wanna watch football and one evening. He told me that he had to engage with people all day and when he came home, he did not want to have to engage with me. In fact, I’m in a hotel room tonight because I didn’t feel safe at home.
As for my repenting and Brent repenting … we have covered that one quite well. In fact we have beaten it to death! The fruit of that repentance is no physical intimacy. I already know that some don’t believe this, but if they don’t it’s not my problem. Oh! I am not “paying Brent’s way” either. I feel like I have beaten a dead horse, so I’m going to leave with this thought. “We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus. For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor things present or things to come, nor height nor depths nor any other creature will EVER separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” I’m thankful that I am accountable to him and not to the “We stand” group. They are having an ongoing “Self-righteous convention” at our expense. They are also doing to me what they accuse SG of doing to them.
Today they posted my blog but would not release me to comment to people who have mostly chewed me up and spit me out. I sent Steve Wells an email begging. On Wednesday he had the nerve to send me an ultimatum that I was required to answer to by 3:00! I had an appointment and didn’t even see his demand! How’s that for being fair?!? Yet my daughter can misconstrue the truth and she has full reign. He has literally tied my hands behind my back! Why don’t you write about it? It is a HUGE miscarriage of justice! I’m thankful that none of the haters are Jesus.
Also.. I am fused from T-10 to and including my SI joints. The doctor - in the last three surgeries in 2020 (I was in the hospital almost a month. 3 major surgeries totaling 28 hours all within 5 days) had to correct some work that other surgeons had done. I had been “fused” at L5/S1 in 2018. Something didn’t “feel right” and when this new doctor looked at only the x-rays he said immediately “you aren’t fused at L5/S1!” That’s why it felt awful and the pain for YEARS was indescribable! He had to break bone to create curvature in my back. I became what they refer to as “flat fused”. I could stand even 10 minutes before I was in complete muscle spasms.
Just thought I would throw this in the mix, because I am weary of the “beating of a very dead horse” in the other subject matter.
The reason we are fighting against the tide is not to minimize sin! We relented before God before we were ever confronted and everything ceased! Jesus told the guys who brought the adulterous woman to him, “any one of you who is without sin, go ahead and throw a stone at her.” You know the story, Tim. Jesus stood up and asked her, “woman where are your accusers?” Then the most glorious words came out of his mouth! They were laced with an abundance of grace and mercy! “Neither do I condemn you! Go and sin no more.” I love that so much! It was simple and to the point. BUT… I’m that group of people standing there there was one who was worthy to throw a stone that day, and … he knelt on the ground and wrote in the sand. Theologians have lost their minds trying to fight out what he wrote… I don’t think that was the point of his kneeling… I don’t think there was some mysterious grandiose meaning to his expression. He was moving his finger in the sand waiting for those men to respond! (There! The mystery is solved!) He knew that not a single one of those self righteous “Pat myself on the back” men would be able to do anything except put their stones down and walk away. So. Simple. Jesus cut to the chase. He didn’t stand there and lead a study group with those self righteous men. He didn’t blog about it either. He simply forgave her and told her to sin no more. No condemnation! We did what we were supposed to do. The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, HE is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Isn’t that such incredible good news? That means that whether or not you boys let this go has no bearing on the work that was done in our hearts and lives. It was done and finished. Period. God chooses to cast our sin in and remember it no more. This is what I want to do: move on. So, as my dad used to say when visitors were in our home and the hour was late, “Well, if you are sitting up with me I’m all better.” I’ll leave you with that. I’m all better, but if you guys want to continue to attempt to rub our noses in something and beat this horse until he is ground into the dirt, carry on! I just don’t wish to do that any longer. I have a life to sort out and a very good future. I have gathered the courage to move on from a bad marriage and I’m excited for the days ahead. I’ll leave you with one more word, just going to quote it a bit differently : He who began a good work in “Debi” is able to complete it.”
BYE!
How is it that you can both “move on” when you cannot even be honest? You are both trying to make others look like the problem and you are both denying the truth: that the relationship went through all of October, into November, and continues even now.
You were having sexual contact up until you were confronted. This story of how the sexual nature of the relationship “was” limited and that it only happened briefly in September is entirely minimizing and false.
If you choose to ride off into the sunset with Brent, that is your choice. But you cannot act self righteous about it, persecuted for it, and unfairly affected by it. Neither of you can be transparently honest with the basics of the timeline alone, not to mention other things.
Also, it’s incredibly poor taste to speak badly of your husband who has remained by your side all of these years. Even if you feel you weren’t getting “enough attention” as you recently stated, it is deplorable to insinuate that you had a “bad marriage,” specifically relating it to the darkness of Hell. Anyone who stepped foot into it would objectively and logically conclude that it is worth working on, especially now that you are mostly sober and with all that has been invested.
You were an addict for most of the relationship. The baseline for concluding an unfixable marriage cannot be measured objectively or by yourself.
If anything, we thought your husband may one day step away from the marriage because of your addiction and cruelty. But he never did, and this is how you show him respect for that part of the commitment?
The man took care of you in ways no husband ever expects to take care of their wife, and he did it as God called him to. He was there. And yet you are self serving in a soap opera where you get to be a victim of some domestic hell hole.
Why? Because the true story does not suit the narrative you want to spin for the sake of Brent. Your husband has to be “horrible” in this version.
Even if the marriage would have come apart after the coming sobriety years, it would not have been because your husband is bad and you are being put through abuse. Totally absurd. You did not even provide him the courtesy of counseling now that you are sober.
There is an incredible difference between a self righteous, intoxicated person telling their spouse that they need counseling because the spouse is the problem and that they are not Christian enough (all of the time) vs a sober person coming to their spouse and genuinely asking for the time and space to work on their marriage that they have been mentally (at the very least) absent from for 18+ years.
I have not always been the biggest fan of your husband, but it’s not because he’s evil or hellacious. It is because he is passive and listens to you and does anything you tell him. He has been emasculated and verbally abused by you, and never did anything about it. He has been your whipping boy for many many years and that has been frustrating for all of us.
Part of us wanted him to gain control of you because you have been so out of control, and that was a misplaced expectation. There were a lot of misplaced frustrations, even things said out of turn because of our desire to see more intervention and because we were looking to place responsibility on someone else for the sake of just "fixing" you.
But you have been a bully, a jerk, a ticking time bomb, and he has not been able to stand his ground or fix what's broken in you.
Your children have, despite your behavior, wanted to see you become a changed person, a whole person, a person who is set free. At this moment you are even farther from that possibility.
I’m incredibly saddened and disappointed by what you have become through this, and what Brent has promoted you to be. If you had fought “against the tide” for your marriage as much as you have to protect yourself and Brent (at all costs), things would be entirely different at this moment.
You are given free will and can make the choice you want to make, but own every last detail of it in full without minimization, and then go about your business. You both brought the deceptive responses to the public which is why you are now accountable to this space. You have both sinned against your brothers and sisters through willful deception and in order to truly repent/change course, you both have to confess and correct. It’s that simple.
What you have allowed Brent to do and what you have also done to your children is different beast altogether.
He has no relationship with his children because of his actions and behaviors. Therefore, he has no problem with you walking towards estrangement as well. A wolf is most certainly an accurate description of this man whom we used to believe was benign.
It is not courage that you have gathered to "move on" from a "bad marriage". It is cowardice and unrepentance that is allowing you to justify the wicked sin of divorce all in the name of pursuing your own happiness. But it will only lead to more and more, and fearfully, eternal sorrow if you do not stop and truly repent.
And I suspect Brent will tell you, if he has the courage, that the passage you referred to should not be viewed as truly Scripture. That entire passage of the woman caught in adultery was added later, and it's why no pastor worth his salt would preach on it. I'm sure you do love it, because it allows you to turn your attention away from your own sin and onto your alleged accusers. But it shouldn't comfort you. Yes, forgiveness is found in Jesus, but not if it doesn't start with true repentance. You are not bearing the fruit that would be in keeping with true repentance, and that should terrify you.
If Brent has been blessed with the Holy Spirit and later did what he did, it is considered tampering and against the Holy Spirit and the result is more serious than anyone can think of.
https://open.substack.com/pub/borsin/p/our-lord-cannot-be-mocked?r=3exks5&utm_medium=ios